Sunday, December 31, 2006

Woman Whacked On The Head by Falling Roller Coaster Part at Berjaya Times Square

Did you guys read this in the Star?

KUALA LUMPUR: A woman was injured after a metal bar from the track of a roller coaster dislodged and fell on her head at the Berjaya Times Square Indoor Theme Park here last night.

It is understood that the woman, who was with four family members, was sent to Hospital Kuala Lumpur immediately.

According to New Zealander Dayal Singh, 21, who was on the roller coaster, the incident occurred at 9.15 pm.

“The roller coaster suddenly slowed down and started to roll backwards. I heard a loud sound and when I looked down I saw the metal bar hitting the woman,” she said.

Now I hate to say bad words especially so close to New Year but... WHAT THE FLYING F*K!!!?!?

First we had LRT wheels falling on someone's head when he was crossing the road.

And now.. even when we're INDOOR... we have to watch out for other things falling on our heads
(And believe me... only hard solid things of little value will fall on your head... not wonderful things like MONEY or even DIAMONDS)

It won't be much longer before we have to watch out for Grand Pianos falling on our heads just like in the cartoons.

May I advise all Malaysians to start wearing helmets like this whenever in public areas.

Read the full article from The Star here.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Taipei 101: The Tallest Building in The World

When I was in Taipei a couple of weeks back, I went to visit the tallest building in the world... the Taipei 101 (named that because it is 101 storeys tall).

I must say that at first glance, I didn't think the building was particularly beautiful... and nowhere near as beautiful as our Petronas Twin Towers. Yet, just like the "Smelly Tofu", the tower must've been an acquired taste.

After looking at it long enough for many days, I began to take a liking to the building and it's rather odd (or unique) design. So I made my way to the 4th floor of the building where they had an elevator that took us all the way to the top (or near the top).

And as usual, Taiwan never fails to surprise me.

Selling me my ticket to the top floor was this nice Taiwanese lady standing behind a counter.
With a cute furry halo above her head. Now I boarded the elevator prepared for a long and smelly ride since a chubby lady in front of me farted just seconds after the elevator doors closed.

But to my surprise, we reached the top before the lady's "scent of love" reached by nose.

And all that was possible... because we were in the World's Fastest Elevator.

A little screen in the lift showed us everything from the speed we were moving and the time it was taking us to reach the top. At the top of the building was a very wide space... with a breath-taking view.
This is the view from the tallest building in the world (look hard enough and you might see Penang in the distance).
Funny thing about having the tallest building in the world is... you can only have it for a few years... sooner or later someone else is going to have something bigger, longer and better... (sort of like having the longest penis in the world).
Now, right in the middle of the observation desk was a big steel ball supported by hydraulics weighing 660 metric tons.

This giant testicle is apparently used to stabilize the building from strong winds.

When the wind blows the building to one direction, the ball is designed to move in the opposite direction to counter the force of the wind hence keeping the building pretty much stable (perhaps some of you engineers out there could elaborate a bit more on this).

Anyway, after checking out the view and the ball, I climbed some stairs to get to the highest spot that a tourist could get to on the building.

The area was "open-aired" but with grills so high that even giraffes couldn't jump off the building if they wanted to.

So there was nothing much to do there... but take a picture.

At the very top... my father who was with me mentioned
"Son... you know I always have this theory.. that if you piss down from the top of the Empire State Building in New York during winter, I bet your piss will turn to ice by the time it hits the ground".

If you're going to test that theory... please don't tell anyone that you got the idea from this blog.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Wedding HOooooooooo!!!

For those of you who don't already know, I'm actually back in Penang.

Now I've decided to take a little break from the Taiwan blog entries and write about a wedding dinner I attended last weekend.

Weddings are fun because of two things

1) Because you get to see the bride in joy for having finally found her soulmate.

2) Because you get to see the fear in the man's eyes knowing that he will be sleeping with one and only ONE woman for the rest of his life.

But I also like the idea of getting married because it represents a stage in life where I can get as fat as I want and my wife would have noooo choice but to stay with me. (BWAHAHAHA)

She can't exactly divorce me and state the reason for divorce as
"Husband too fat..."

Can she?

Anyway, back to the wedding.

Meet my date for the night (and also the sister of the bride) Cynthia.
I have to shamefully admit that I barely knew anyone at the wedding.

The only people I knew there were Cynthia and Ivy (another friend who sat with me).

So as you can imagine, the 3 of us took plenty of pictures together.

You have to love Chinese weddings.

First, there are the 30 odd huge round tables where guests are made to sit next to each other and expected to talk to each other.

Then there is the professional singer on stage singing loud chinese music like
"我爱你爱着你。。。 就像老鼠爱大米"

And then there are the occasional English speeches by the good friend of the bride and groom.

"I first met Ah Seng bak in skool.... Last time he always play my backside wan... I never tot he can suddenly get married liddat wan... but FUUUWAH... tonight he is a damn larky man because he marry leng lui.

And leng lui very nice to marry wan... Confucius say Ah Seng is lucky man...*pause*

HAHAHAHA... that was meant to be a joke...

You see because Confucius cannot possibly say that Ah Seng is a lucky man rite?

Because Confucius si liao HAHAHAHAA

That wan is joke I make myself wan.. AHAHAHAHAHAH.. I crack myself up sometimes... I am so fahney!! AHAHAH I should give up my day job soon".

But alas, the speech that night was nothing like that.

It was all professional, proper and sweet...

And of course... it wouldn't be a Chinese Wedding Dinner without... THIS

With a pretty girl inside

Or occasionally... a pretty girl and a fat man inside.

And of course there is the best part of Chinese Wedding Dinners...

Where the bride and groom goes from table to table to drink with the guests and shouting

But even that's no fun these days because all groom yam seng's with is orange juice or chinese tea.

Imagine how fun it would've been in the old days when the groom had to literally down a glass of alcohol with each table.
So if there were 30 tables... we'll have 30 glasses of alcohol and a groom so drunk he could mistake his bride that night for a prostitute (and find himself doing nothing but buying "I'm Sorry" flowers for his new wife the next day).

Anyway, after more than an hour of small talk with the other guests, Cynthia dragged me out of the ballroom to snap some pictures.

First with her

And then with her again

And then another picture of us acting like Malaysians and not making much effort at all with our posing.

And of course, there were pictures with Ivy.

We were having so much fun taking pictures that before we even knew it, the wedding was coming to an end.

People started leaving except for me.

I walked back into the ballroom and straight to the main table where the bride and groom was seated throughout the whole dinner.

It was EMPTY!!!So I thought... since I wouldn't be getting married anytime soon, why not take a minute and sit on the table as the groom to see if I could get a feeling of how it feels like to be the groom that night.

I didn't feel anything... the stupid chair didn't work...

So I decided to take a picture with the fake wedding cake instead.


PS: For those of you who might ask... Boss Stewie isn't getting married anytime yet... he's not done fooling around... HEHEHE

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas My Dear Readers

I was about to publish a new blog entry about a wedding dinner I just attended recently.

And then at the end of the post, type a little note saying
"Merry Christmas!"

But I decided that it just wouldn't be enough!

It is only appropriate for me to dedicate a whole blog entry just to wish all of my dear readers (some whom have been with me religiously for too long), a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

To all of you... you have all given me the best present I could possibly ask for...

Your undying loyalty in reading my blog.

Thank you... I appreciate it a lot more than you could ever imagine...

Friday, December 22, 2006

"Smelly Tofu"

In my last blog entry, I left off where I was with my bro, sis and my newly made friends on board the Taiwan MRT.

Now after we were all done with making poses on the train, we finally reached our destination.
The girls were taking us to a little street market kind of place that was full of young people.

Young people went there to shop and more importantly... to try the yummy yummy junk food.

Now I urge my dear readers not to be deceived by the food in Taiwan.

While the Taiwanese have lovely lovely munchies like these sugar coated munchies
There were some that were much less exciting.

So listen to Boss Stewie when he says this.

Here's how the story goes.

When the girls asked us where we wanted them to take us, we told them that we wanted to eat all sorts of Taiwanese food... especially the deserts.

All of them were quick to say that we had to try this thing which directly translated to English means "Smelly Tofu".

Now at first I thought smelly was like.. durian or garlic... smelly to some people.. but delicious to others, especially me!

And Boss Stewie lurrrrvess tofu, so I made sure they took me to a stall that sold the famous "Smelly Tofu".

Thus while walking down the streets of the street market, we came across this store selling the "Smelly Tofu".
The girls giggled excitedly and were quick to buy us a couple of the Tofu.

I was excited myself!

I lurrrveeeeee tofu... and if the Taiwanese love "Smelly Tofu" and I love the Taiwanese then I love "Smelly Tofu" too.

I removed it from it's paper wrapping and slowly took a bite.
All the girls looked at me intently seeking approval...

It had a very unique taste to it at first... then after a while I began to taste something different but I couldn't seem to pin-point what it was exactly.

Then I looked over at my brother who asked me how it tasted and then went on to take his own first bite.

I knew exactly how to describe it but I didn't know if I should say it in front of my newly made friends.

So I said
"It tastes like.... uhmmm... "

By then my brother had tasted it and had the disgust in his face.

He completed my sentence for me
"SHIT..... it tastes like SHIT!". And I said
"YEAH!!! It tastes like SHIT!!! LITERALLY !!! I've never eaten shit before but I'm pretty sure this is what it would taste like.".

Our Taiwanese girl friends burst out laughing upon hearing us say that.

Then I asked them why the hell they brought a bunch of tourists to eat something that tastes like shit!

But they went on to say
"EH!!! 很好吃的!!!" (Very nice wan!!!)

So there you have it everyone.

When in Taipei, please stay away from the "Smelly Tofu".
Then again, I never once thought that there would be once in my life when I would say that something tastes like SHIT... and actually mean it literally.

You gotta love Taiwan.

PS: Apparently the "Smelly Tofu" is actually an acquired taste. Just like blue cheese or even durian.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Taiwanese Girls

On my recent trip to Taiwan, I befriended a number of very nice Taiwanese girls.

Allow me to introduce them.

From the left
Boss Stewie, Hui Fern, Joe (My DJ Bro), Koyuki (a nice Taiwanese/Japanese girl), Jane and my sister Fayth.

Now last weekend, the girls were all nice enough to bring us clueless Malaysian tourists all over Taipei to experience the sights & sounds and of course the lovely food in the city.

I'm not a big fan of Taiwanese food but I lurrvee their deserts and junk food.

For example, last Saturday, the group of us were walking the streets of Taipei when Jane suddenly disappeared.

Only to appear again a few minutes later with a cute little Hello Kitty biscuit (cake) thingy which you can see me holding in this picture.
and see me eating in the picture (BWAHAHAH).

But before I start telling all of you about where the girls took us or about the Hamsap pigs they have in the Taipei Subway that seem to enjoy getting in sex positions and saying "Pukii",

Let me first tell you about the girls.

Taiwanese girls seem to looooveee taking pictures.

Now... when a Malaysian takes a picture, he/she would try to look normal and smile... just like me in this picture with Jane.

But Taiwanese girls like Jane on the other hand, tend to like posing in pictures (notice Jane's pose in the picture).

I couldn't help but ask her what on earth that was supposed to mean.

She giggled and replied that it was meant to make her look a lot more cute than she already is.

Plus, she said it's boring to take pictures without some sort of pose.

So I thought:

When in Rome... do as the Romans do...

When in Taiwan... do as the Taiwanese do...

So I decided to pose as well.

First, I did her pose

Then I did another pose that was supposed to look 'cool' but ended up making me look like a patient who escaped from Tanjung Rambutan's Hospital Bahagia for the mentally retarded.

Then there was the 3rd picture that made me look like I not only escaped Hospital Bahagia but was so retarded that I deserved to be drug out to the street and shot.

Boss Stewie is beginning to like Taiwanese girls.