Friday, August 25, 2006

Futels: A Business That Makes Good Money

In the past month or so I've been talking to people from all walks of life.

Bankers, entrepreneurs and even property developers and they all tell me one thing:

If you want to make good money... just do a FUTEL.

For those of you who've never heard of the term, FUTEL is short for FU*K HOTEL or basically... a hotel just for people to go and 'have a good time' (ie have a shag).

Now there are many types of Hotels and not all of them are Futels.

Some hotels are meant for BUSINESS...
Some hotels are meant for FAMILY

And some hotels are meant for... well... uhmm... "FUN"...

Futels are profitable because their occupancy rate need not be under 100%. It could be 200-300% if they like because one room can be used by more than one customer each day.

In other words, rather than renting the room by the day... some of them rent their rooms by the HOUR which is more or less enough time for some... uhmm... "FUN".
So my fellow entrepreneur wannabes... why waste time trying to come up with a new product.

Go for a tried and true business model that is sure to make money.

Here's what you need.

First you need a hotel (Costing RM500,000-RM1,000,000).

Now don't be an idiot and break all your balls by build a hotel like THIS.

All you need is a hotel like this (or maybe slightly bigger).
And forget about swimming pools or any other facilities.

Heck don't even think of having a tiny fish pond in your lobby.

The only facility you should even CONSIDER is a condom vending machine like they have overseas.


You do not need (and your clients probably wouldn't care about) a well furnished room like this since it's only going to be used by each customer for only a few hours.

Build a room that is big enough to fit one or two beds since that's where your clients are going to be for most of the 3 hours that they're going to be there.
or if you can take it the extra mile and have NOTHING but a bed in the room.

Not even a blanket.


For your kind of hotel, you DON'T need staff like that that probably cost RM2,000 each.

What the heck for.

All you need is Aunty Jenny here to help you clean up your rooms at 'scene of the crime' and she might even be nice and do it for only RM800 a month.
So there you have it everyone.

All you need are these 3 things and you'll be a millionaire in no time.

Of course, the question many of you would ask me is
"If everybody already starts up FUTELS because they know for sure they make money... then how can we make money?"

Well lets do a rough estimation.

According to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, Malaysians have sex 83 times a year.

Given that there are 25 million Malaysians out there, that equates to a whopping 1 BILLION times that sex occurs in Malaysia every year (Assuming that each Malaysian has sex with another Malaysian).
Now if you manage to get 0.001% of them to do it in your FUTEL, that's about 10,000 times and if you charge only RM50 per room per time (note that your rooms don't go by per day but by the hour), that's RM500,000 revenue.

And what is your cost?

Aunty Jenny that costs RM800 a month so that's RM9,600 a year.
A Receptionist that costs RM1000 a month so that's RM12,000 a year.
Electricity and other costs of lets say RM20,000 a month so that's RM240,000 a year.

So your profit is RM260,000 and your cost of building the futels was.. what? RM500,000?

You'll make back your investment in no time!

Of course the next question is... do people need to have sex?



Ah Pek said...

haiya.. why go through all the trouble to open one "gai tau" jek?

Anonymous said...

Better provides the girls as well, then you can recoup your investment in 3 months.

Boss Stewie said...

ah pek:hahah then how would u do it

anonymous: now that would be illegal :P

cecilia said...

Boss Stewie, i thot its called Motel, nv heard of futel b4, is it ur own creation?
opposite my hse hv alot these kinda hotels, as low RM10/- but without air-cond

cely said...

mathematical error - RM 1000 a month is Rm12000/annum...


Boss Stewie said...

cecilia: hahaha no futel is a creation between a few of my friends and i... RM10.. i wouldn't really want to go to that futel ..

cely: thanks for the heads up

i've changed it

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

HAHAHAHAAHAHA only penangites are capable of such dumb yet hilarious humour!! ROFL :D

Anonymous said...

Most Malaysians have sex with other Malaysians. As such, once you multiply 83 with 25 million, that number must be divided by 2, you bloody exagerrater.

Also, I get the feeling the survey was only for those aged 18 and above. As such, kindly remove from your computation of 25 million the number of people under the age of 18.

How to make money like this? Wanna hire me?

J said...

Sounds like a good enough business plan as any - how many people you need to start up this new business?

Eve said...

i think in japan got alot of these kind of futel..hehe

Boss Stewie said...

anonymous: ahh you're right.. the number should've been divided by two... but it's ok... still nice to manipulate facts :P

suicidal: i don't know whether i should take that as an insult or compliment.. lol

j: just 2 ... aunty jenny and a receptionist... u wanna be my receptionist? :P

eve: yes yes.. futel is big business everywhere

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

compliment for sure. i is loving the penangites

Boss Stewie said...

LOL suicidal

Dawn said...

LOL Futel! Never heard of that term before, but what you said makes perfect sense. I never knew of places that charge by the hour.... geli loh. Eh if ppl put condom vending machines in the futel, would the location be subjected to a raid by the police?
cuz it's like...borderline indecent ma....

Gwen said...

I think the room needs more Sanrio products! Sex is necessary for survival, if not the blains explode. :)

Boss Stewie said...

dawn: maybe.. but that would mean they should also raid the 7-11s for 'borderline indecency'

gwenneh: and please let us not forget that the real reason for sex was for us to reproduce and have kiddies... that is.. the real reason until our generation came along and abused everything :P

aL said...

eh boss...who's that aunty Jenny lar? later she sue u arrr..

Boss Stewie said...

al: lol... no lar.. aunty jenny is a nice person

Gwen said...

So ... when are you going to reproduce?