Monday, April 13, 2009

Drawing The Line

Today Princess tried to cross the railing again on her own.

This time she tried to make like a torpedo and roll over.
Project 365: Day 57, 13th April 2009

It didn't work though. She got stuck again, I took another picture.... and then got beaten by Princess again later on for not helping her up before I took a picture :( 

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Tonight I'm going to blog about something I talked about with some friends a few nights ago. We talked about it over dinner and they insisted after that I share it on my blog.

We were all talking about this friend of ours who constantly makes the mistake of being close friends with girls that he likes but never gets.

Here's what happens to this friend.

Boy meets Girl. Boy becomes really nice to Girl and eventually going to the extent of chauffeuring girl around, paying for Girl's meals,

bringing her shopping and following her everywhere she wants to go. Boy thinks that by being nice to Girl, Girl would get the signal that he likes her and respond.

Chances are... yes.. girl does eventually get the signal. But she doesn't really like Boy enough to jump into a relationship with him. She does like the attention she gets though so why not keep him around? (Though most girls I know out there are nice enough to let the guy go if she really has no interest in him rather than lead him on). Boy would probably do the same too if he were in her position.

Things start getting out of hand and boy starts making drastic sacrifices for girl. Even once driving girl all the way to the house of a guy that girl likes and leaving her there to spend the night.

This story hasn't ended yet but you know where it will go anyway. Girl finds someone better, and Boy gets left empty-handed.

What was Boy's problem?

FAILING TO DRAW THE LINE.... and eventually ending up in girl's "friend zone", a point of almost no return (Not sure if this friend zone exists for guys too but at least for me it does. Once a girl goes into my friend zone.... there's no turning back).

Let me take my story with Princess for example. Princess and I started off as best friends. We were really really great friends who talked a lot on MSN and made each other laugh till we cried bucket. Then one day when Ming was down in KL I introduced Princess to him and asked him what he thought of this really good friend of mine.
His reply was
"I think it's great and all... but if you just remain friends with her, I think one day you'll keep wondering what it would've been like if you did get into a relationship with her."

I thought about it for a while and decided that he was right.

So one day after a night of clubbing with friends I stopped the car in a car park and had a talk with Princess. I told her what Ming told me and I told her that I didn't want to have to live my life with that regret of wondering what if. 

I went on to tell her that I wasn't expecting anything from her and I'm in no hurry to jump into another relationship at all. All I wanted to do was to tell her that I wanted to be more than friends with her if not now, eventually. 

The next thing I did was to tell Princess that while I will chase her and wait for her for a while... I wouldn't wait forever and I won't tell her how long I will try for. I mean the last thing you want a girl to do after you open up is know that you're really into her and take her time before jumping into a relationship with you right? 

Princess kept asking me how long I would court her for before I gave up but I refused to tell her. Hahaha.. if I told her 6 months she would have waited all the way till the last day of the 6th month before she kissed me. Right Princess??? Or at least you would've made me wait longer :)

So you just gotta tell her that you will only wait and try so for so long. Little did Princess know that I would've waited for her FOREVER :)

That overall conversation was necessary because it drew the line. From that moment or at least shortly after that moment I stopped being a friend and started being... a potential boyfriend and it worked (What happened after that and who kissed who first and all that is a story I'll tell another day).

There's another way of doing what I did. The more common and blunt way and that is to just make a move on the girl and see her reaction. Hold her hand or something, or even try to kiss her. That's a far more aggressive move but the problem with that is if you get rejected, you can forget about being friends with the girl. This really wouldn't matter of course if you didn't like that girl very much in the first place but I liked Princess very much so that's not a road I took.

How do you not like a girl who looks so cute when she sips Coke.
So that night we talked about how everyone should forget all the other advice you hear from movies and books that tell you things like you should treat a girl bad or neg her if you want her to like you or go crazy over you. That may apply for girls in other parts of the world but back here in Malaysia, if you treat a girl bad she'll take offense to that and probably kick you in the nuts.

Treat a girl good like how she really deserves to be treated.... but draw the line.

29 comments:

Just E said...

damn i feel lonely.....

electronicfly said...

"driving girl all the way to the house of a guy that girl likes and leaving her there to spend the night."

wtf? Unless main guy knows that third guy is a closet gay, seriously, that's too much d.

And about your making a move thing, I think trying to hold her hand is fine. All she needs to do (if she rejects la) is to slip away or (if dia pun mau) hold your hand tighter.

Kissing her, aih waiting to get slapped is it? That please leave it as greeting/farewell/when she's yours pls.


Now back to my assignments that are due tmrw and not even 50% done.

cindy khor said...

i totally agree...there's one friend of mine who's crazy over a gal and would do just anything for her but the gal in return just wanna remain as friends but kept on using my friend for "treats".

my friend was totally devastated as he wanted the relationship to become deeper but was afraid to do so and just stayed by her side... he got loads of scolding from us anyways but he's still continuing his act. so all of us just kinda give up on him.

jeremi said...

so true. i have seen so many friend of mine who did exact stuff like that. Especially "driving girl all the way to the house of a guy that girl likes and leaving her there to spend the night". LOL its like sending the meal u yearning for life to another man's table. hahahahhaa

pamsong said...

Wah! Ada taktik punye!

shaowei said...

Now i know how.. ;p

Raph said...

uhm, so this friend of yours. does he reads your blog also and knows this is about him?

Or does he remain oblivious to this whole thing and is still chauffeuring her to the loveshack as we speak?

§oŁЇtǺ®ÿ ®o§ě said...

I guess once you are in the love zone, you are blinded and very much exposed to stupidity without immunity. Heh!...Wait...what about girls wanting to let the guys they like know how they feel without scaring the bejewels out of them? As far as I know, guys are scared shit when girls make a move. Am I right?

jess~ said...

*clapsclapsclaps*

it was really good... =)

Yik Yang Nicholas said...

BOSS!

now i know what to do with my own 'princess'!

thanks alot!you're the man!

lucky princess!heh!

JD said...

Treating a girl nice expecting something in return, yeah, did that before a couple of times and each time ended up eating lemon.

Anyway, things had changed and I am glad that I learn from all that and apply it when I meet my wife.

~dolly~ said...

hehehe...
(What happened after that and who kissed who first and all that is a story I'll tell another day).

dont forget your story another day k..

Elaynne said...

I've a friend who 'doesn't know how to draw the line as well'.

Everything that he does will be because of the girl. No matter how we tried to talk him out of it, he wouldn't listen. He was always there for her, when she has problems with her bfs (yes he just stood by her despite her changing bfs).

She always turned to him for comfort because he is ALWAYS there. Then after like 4 years or so, she finally realised that no one will ever treat her as well as he does and decided to start a relationship with him.

He is still so THAT into her. He is still the one doing everything for her. He would even choose his career path because of her. So as friends, we can just hope that she will love him forever because we don't know how he will take it if she leaves him this time.

swTeo said...

I guess no one will against the idea of "drawing a line" but those person who deeply in love will they understand this sentence?

I do have a friend as well, who been treating nice to a girl he likes for 2 yrs, not to mention about accept him, the girl not even appreciate what he has done to her...

Everyone should have a ruler, I mean there's no harm of treating nice to the person who you care but draw a line pls...

Homely Guy said...

"driving girl all the way to the house of a guy that girl likes and leaving her there to spend the night."

** shake head **

as a guy, i can't accept that, this is totally ridiculous

Boss Stewie said...

just e: aww you'll find someone soon :)

electronic: hahaha okok.. so kissing is out of the question.. so much for all the romantic movies that teach us to kiss spontaneously

cindy: thats the same for my friend i guess.. we've all scolded him before but we've all given up now

jeremi: really? you have a friend that did that? that's just terrible

pamsong: hahahaa yah

shaowei: haha yes now u know :)

raph: he knows... everyone tries to tell him that but maybe he doesn't want to change anything

solitary: hahaha no i actually find it quite a turn on when a girl makes the move... it spells confidence!

jess: what was really good?

yik: hahaha okok sure dude.. glad that i could help

jd: hahaha yeah.. some of us learn the hard way i guess

dolly: haha sure will tell that another day :)

elaynne: wow! but that's a success story.. at least she got together with him in the end

sw: yeah i guess it's easier said than done sometimes.

homely: yeah me too man.. but i guess.. who knows right...

ahlost said...

hmm..reminds me of someone :D

ahlost said...

The way she drinks really cute :D

Racheal Tan said...

This is so true...I can't seems to find a reason not to agree with you. I do have few guy friends that willing to do any shit just to get the girl. Guess luck on their side, the girl took full advantage of him. Sad sad :(

I must say girls nowadays so much more materialistic (no offense girls!) We've to put ourselves into the guy's shoes and think how hurt would that be if we took advantage of them instead of asking them to back off when you knew he wasn't the one for you in the beginning.

Boss Stewie said...

ahlost: ahhaa does it? i guess we all have that someone in our lives

rachel: yeah rachel... fortunately Princess doesn't take advantage of me :) hehe

khp_0707 said...

hey boss, i have similar problem as well. ive confronted her and said that i dont want to rush in a relationship and take ur time as well cause she just broke of with her bf 3 weeks ago and her heart still remains with him :( but im fine with it. she asked me the same question as well, she said how long i will go for her and i ans that till u go back to ur bf ( may be in a month time ? LOL)or i have found a better choice :P lol. Hopefully everything turn well for me as i really love and care about her.

Raph said...

He doesn't want to change anything? is he a masochist or something? >_>...

But it's understandable I admit.
My guess is that if everyone has given up on him he will only see the truth when either 1. he falls in love with a another girl who is hopefully a lot nicer or 2. he gets burned bad one day and is heartbroken.

So, since the former is more humane, can't you guys just set him up with other nice girls? :P
Also, if he gets more attention from other girls maybe this one will get more attracted to him. You know, that whole law of scarcity.

worked for the wii didn't it? XD

jadezheng said...

i KNOW THAT MIC!!! hahaha...

Fumoffu said...

I hope your friend learns from that incident :)

KY said...

hahah that picture is best!

breadpitt said...

good good advice....;-P , big clap dude!

- m i c h e l l e - said...

I've always thought the same way. If a guy goes pass the FRIEND ZONE, then he's going to stay there forever. I've always wanted how to explain that to a guy friend who came after me after we became best friends but he still didn't get it, try after try. I eventually gave up because I found it really really hard trying to express this, though deep down inside I know what's going wrong. But this is so well said/written/expressed. :)

blurblurpiggy said...

You should definitely tell this to my cousin brother. The last stupid thing he did was buy a Coach bag and a dress that costed a few hundred u.s dollars and gave it to a girl who did not reveal that she was in a relationship and he found out after he gave the things he bought. He insists that he's happy that he gave her the things even as friends. Unbelievable. This is probably the 3rd girl he's given expensive presents to.

Penton Wong said...

I think this post serve a very good purpose in reminding guys (or gals) who are doing things like this and never get picked in the end... why I feel that it sounds like me :P