Drawing The Line

Today Princess tried to cross the railing again on her own.

This time she tried to make like a torpedo and roll over.

Project 365: Day 57, 13th April 2009

It didn't work though. She got stuck again, I took another picture.... and then got beaten by Princess again later on for not helping her up before I took a picture :( 

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Tonight I'm going to blog about something I talked about with some friends a few nights ago. We talked about it over dinner and they insisted after that I share it on my blog.

We were all talking about this friend of ours who constantly makes the mistake of being close friends with girls that he likes but never gets.

Here's what happens to this friend.

Boy meets Girl. Boy becomes really nice to Girl and eventually going to the extent of chauffeuring girl around, paying for Girl's meals,

bringing her shopping and following her everywhere she wants to go. Boy thinks that by being nice to Girl, Girl would get the signal that he likes her and respond.

Chances are... yes.. girl does eventually get the signal. But she doesn't really like Boy enough to jump into a relationship with him. She does like the attention she gets though so why not keep him around? (Though most girls I know out there are nice enough to let the guy go if she really has no interest in him rather than lead him on). Boy would probably do the same too if he were in her position.

Things start getting out of hand and boy starts making drastic sacrifices for girl. Even once driving girl all the way to the house of a guy that girl likes and leaving her there to spend the night.

This story hasn't ended yet but you know where it will go anyway. Girl finds someone better, and Boy gets left empty-handed.

What was Boy's problem?

FAILING TO DRAW THE LINE.... and eventually ending up in girl's "friend zone", a point of almost no return (Not sure if this friend zone exists for guys too but at least for me it does. Once a girl goes into my friend zone.... there's no turning back).

Let me take my story with Princess for example. Princess and I started off as best friends. We were really really great friends who talked a lot on MSN and made each other laugh till we cried bucket. Then one day when Ming was down in KL I introduced Princess to him and asked him what he thought of this really good friend of mine.

His reply was

"I think it's great and all... but if you just remain friends with her, I think one day you'll keep wondering what it would've been like if you did get into a relationship with her."

I thought about it for a while and decided that he was right.

So one day after a night of clubbing with friends I stopped the car in a car park and had a talk with Princess. I told her what Ming told me and I told her that I didn't want to have to live my life with that regret of wondering what if. 

I went on to tell her that I wasn't expecting anything from her and I'm in no hurry to jump into another relationship at all. All I wanted to do was to tell her that I wanted to be more than friends with her if not now, eventually. 

The next thing I did was to tell Princess that while I will chase her and wait for her for a while... I wouldn't wait forever and I won't tell her how long I will try for. I mean the last thing you want a girl to do after you open up is know that you're really into her and take her time before jumping into a relationship with you right? 

Princess kept asking me how long I would court her for before I gave up but I refused to tell her. Hahaha.. if I told her 6 months she would have waited all the way till the last day of the 6th month before she kissed me. Right Princess??? Or at least you would've made me wait longer :)

So you just gotta tell her that you will only wait and try so for so long. Little did Princess know that I would've waited for her FOREVER :)

That overall conversation was necessary because it drew the line. From that moment or at least shortly after that moment I stopped being a friend and started being... a potential boyfriend and it worked (What happened after that and who kissed who first and all that is a story I'll tell another day).

There's another way of doing what I did. The more common and blunt way and that is to just make a move on the girl and see her reaction. Hold her hand or something, or even try to kiss her. That's a far more aggressive move but the problem with that is if you get rejected, you can forget about being friends with the girl. This really wouldn't matter of course if you didn't like that girl very much in the first place but I liked Princess very much so that's not a road I took.

How do you not like a girl who looks so cute when she sips Coke.

So that night we talked about how everyone should forget all the other advice you hear from movies and books that tell you things like you should treat a girl bad or neg her if you want her to like you or go crazy over you. That may apply for girls in other parts of the world but back here in Malaysia, if you treat a girl bad she'll take offense to that and probably kick you in the nuts.

Treat a girl good like how she really deserves to be treated.... but draw the line.