Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Reading CLEO's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors

Something I can never understand.

Every girlfriend I have ever had in the past... buys Cleo... and every one of them... LOVES CLEO'S 50 MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS edition.I never quite understood why but in the past I have learned to accept it.


Because if you look at an eligible bachelor and say "What a LOSER... how the hell can you call him eligible?"

Then you're jealous.

And if you say "Wow... that guy is hot!"

Then you're gay.

So the best thing is... NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.
In fact, when forced to read the magazine, flip past the 50 Most Eligible Bachelors and go to the more interesting content at the back.

Such as the sex column where you get to see questions like

"My wife screams the name of another man every time we're in bed... Oh CLEO.. what do I do?"

I mean.... it's human nature that we love hearing about stories like this.

Just like when we were in school and we would make sure we'd catch every Thursday's edition of Big Bro in The Star.

"Dear Big Bro, my boyfriend says he loves me long time and he wants me to make sexy time with him but I don't think I'm ready yet... what should I do? -Confused Girl".

Notice how we always read the questions but only SKIM through the answers (or sometimes ignore them completely)?


Because their answers are all sooo.... politically correct.

Big Bro would reply

"Dear Confused Girl, Your virginity is like a precious diamond that once tainted can never be perfect again. If your boyfriend truly loves you like he says he does, he will be willing to wait for until you are ready. If he is not prepared to wait then he does not love you and truly does not deserve you."

SEE??? TYPICAL. I bet we would all be reading the answers more often if Big Bro was used to replying like this

"Dear Confused Girl... the only thing you should be confused about right now is which brand condom to use... so pick Durex and go HUMP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!!!".

Anyway back to my friend's Cleo magazine that I was reading (*Whew I keep getting distracted sometimes). After I read past the sex column, I came across the QA Medical section where I saw this question. "I'm 23 and recently I've been experiencing a burning sensation whenever I urinate. Five minutes later, I'd feel the urge to go again but only pass little urine. It's disturbing my sleep. Am I having some kind of infection?"

Brilliant question from a rather intelligent lady. Why brilliant?

Well because... when you're "experiencing a BURNING SENSATION" when you PEE... what any smart person would do is to write a letter to Cleo's Medical QA Column and wait for the next issue to come out for an answer.

That's perfect right? I mean it makes perfect sense!


So now we all know what to do if we ever feel that burning sensation when we pee.
Right? Right?






Hor ny Ang Moh said...

Good morning!!Bright & very very hot day. We guy r all the same. What is hot to a lady to us is only so so ( what a lady to a lady who consider that lady is so so but to us guy that lady is very hot ).Some lady shy mah. What if is u who have a burning sensaction??Do u show ur 'burn out' bro to a doctor??? If I were that lady I will go to the phama & say that my mummy have something wrong down there & I buy meds on her behalf. If is get worse then no choice but to expose to doctor & hope that it is a young lady doctor & not some old hag. Have a nice day.

MaN|acZ said...


MaN|acZ said...

boss, you sound almost like http://michaelooi.net/



Deric said...

i think sometimes ppl find it hard to describe face to face. they rather be anon and post it up in the mag

Mic said...

funny lar you...make sense about the woman who suffered from burning sensation. Pity woman!

Haha...thanks! I just bought the CLEO after viewing your blog, din know they are having the 50 most eligible bachelors this month!!

haha...you see, if next time you are one of the 50, you will no longer writing a post like this in your blog, but sth else like this:

"Oh God, I used to see them as losers, but now I change my mind, because I am one of them!"

have a nice day boss!

TenthOfMarch said...

I don't want to comment about the "50 most eligible bachelors". If not, I might sound like I'm jealous of them or something. :-P

About the s3x advice; what is printed in the newspapers are for the public to read. MAYBE, the editor sends a private reply to the girl (that sounds like your answer). Who knows, they might even put in a box of condoms with it ;-)

It's true that the lady should have gone to the doctor immediately. It is *quite common* (I'm not a doctor, don't quote, or accept my words bluntly) that people feel pain/discomfort/blood while peeing. It could be some infection or something which is common and easily treated with antibiotics.

If you were to delay, the infection might spread upwards to the kidneys when that might cause further complications. So, if you have any discomfort while peeing, just go to the doctor. I doubt that they will even ask you to drop your pants, it should be more like a Q&A thinggy.

William Leong said...

the female species was/is still and will be one that the male would hardly understand. period (pun intended)

Cely said...

cheh, guys also read FHM top 100 sexy girls.. blek/..

same same same thing!

earl-ku said...

dear cleo

i was in the kitchen a while ago, and while i was cutting some meat, i accidentally cut off my thumb and i screamed, and when i screamed, the knife, i mean meat cleaver slipped off my hand and is now semi-lodged on my thigh

, i am bleeding profusely. What should i do, should i keep the thumb in a jar of water or would ice water be a better solution?

should call my husband and inform him? but he is working, or should i call my mom or my dad? and yeah the bleeding is getting worst ...

and should i go reach out for the phone and call for an ambulance or should i just yell out ......................................................................................

VIn©ëNt said...

Men and women all the same de la... men read fhm women read cleo... its kinda like a need... dun think too much lol abt that posting on the mag... that gal wanna die under cleo's hands let her la~ maybe shes cleo's die hard fan everything and anything also ask cleo... or maybe she too shy to approach doctor... its jus like old man shy to see doctor when they get piles mah... try to understand loh...

mooiness said...

Man, that burning pee lady story is hilarious.

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA cannot tahan your sarcasm. Hope that lady doesn't read your post or else she'd die of shame before anything else. and yes ayam guilty of reading the questions but never the BORING answers. :p

hao said...

At least the girl is smart enough not to reveal her real name. LOL

Boss Stewie said...

hor ny: nono hor ny... if i ever experience a burning sensation when i pee.. I GO TO THE DOCTOR... no more time for shy or no shy

maniacz: of course.. michael and i were from the same school

deric: but this is an important issue.. as in.. what if it got worse!

mic: ahh.. i should kindly ask CLEO if they might pay me a commission for getting another person to buy their magazine :P

tenth: dudeee... you just explained exactly why i would go see a doctor!

willy: hehehe lol

cely: ehh i don't read CLEO all the time.. just... sometimes.. when i see them around

earl: lol earl!

vincent: ehh... i won't be shy wan.. just go and ask!... it's only natural

mooinesss: hehehehe

suicidal: hey.. i'm not a very sarcastic person

hao: hehehe yes yes.. at least!

Kristin said...


with answers like that, i'd LOVE to write to 'Dear Boss' to see the respond i'll be getting!

Little Ray said...

Maybe you really should make a Dear Boss Column too. Lol.

Jolenesiah said...

ooo... my friend is there... the 1st bachelor... muahaha

VIn©ëNt said...

i nvr say u shy wat lol i say maybe the girl or the old man shy... unless u admit ur old =x

Boss Stewie said...

kristin: hahahaha... why don't u write to me our first question... then i'll do a dear boss reply.. ahhahaha

little ray: lol lol!!

jolenesiah: ai cheh.. lucky i didn't say anything about the first bachelor :P

vincent: hehehhehe okook

Kristin said...


-Dear Boss,
I am like.. so in love with this guy but he ask me to sleep with him. My parents say cannot because they say next time if my future husband and i wanna have babies and the banana go inside my peach and no blood.. i will be called a cheapy-cheng.I really love him. I also love my parents. And he wants the answer by next week! What am I gonna do?
Please advise.

there. and i amuse myself coz i seem to be quite good at being an idiot. haha.

Jackson said...

Ahhh, you know of course Boss is only jealous!

Because her letter about her urinating problem got in the magazine and Boss' letter about his Haagen-Dasz eating disorder did not.. :(

William Leong said...

good point there jackson, good point!... i totally agree

Nur Sarah Lam said...

You are so damn right. I like to read Cleo too because I like the tips on beauty, fashion, life, body and health but then again I seldom read the Q&A section unless I come across and extremely interesting question.