It sucks to NOT be an Ah Beng these days.
Let me tell you why.
We were just in the office today on a regular Friday afternoon.
All the girls were busy working hard, cracking their heads and rushing to finish whatever work they have left before the weekend starts.The guys on the other hand, were moderately busy.
Yes only moderately busy, because Nicholas turned around and asked me all of a sudden
"Eh Tim, who is the hottest female blogger that you know?"
I had one girl in mind.
One girl so hot that I said
"Yat... this girl I know is sooo hot... you would leave your girlfriend!" (Note to Yat's gf: Please don't kill me.. figure of speech only okie? kekeke)
It didn't take long for me to say out the URL and it took an even shorter amount of time for the guys to quickly type that URL into their browser and check her out.
3 seconds passed for the blog to load which was when I heard the first
"WAHH!!!! SHE IS SO DAMN HOT!!!"
I sat back and smiled...
"Yes I know.... some more she's an exclusive Nuffnanger" (which makes any girl more attractive to the guys who work at Nuffnang... I know.. we're sick.. we're all sick!!!).
The girls on the other hand.... well you would expect the girls to look over and say
"CHEH!!! You guys have no taste lar!".
But they all looked over and were speechless for a few seconds until I said
And they all nodded their head in sequence and said
"Yes... really hot".
We were indulging in the excitement when one of the girls burst our bubble and asked
"Got boyfriend ar?"
"SURE GOT BF LAR!!!! And I can tell you that NONE of us in this office here stand a chance... why?? Because the world is not fair... in case you haven't noticed already... all the hot girls are always with the Ah Bengs... and you guys are not Ah Bengs!"
And it's true.
Somehow, Ah Bengs are just more attractive to hot girls.
All my hot friends are with Ah Bengs. Even one of my ex-gfs left me for an Ah Beng.
My brother once told me that no hot girl wants to date a good guy. They want to date the bad boys.. and try to turn them good (at least until they realize that it's not gonna happen).
You can go up to the girl and say
"Hi Lily. My name is John Rowling and I am a VP at Goldman Sachs, the youngest VP in the history of the firm and did I mention that I was also featured on Forbes and BusinessWeek Magazine."
Lily will not sound impressed and won't even give you any attention at all.
But if Ah Beng goes up to her and say
"Hello Lily. My name is Lee Ah Beng... I drive a car with a BIG EKZOS (exhaust)"
Lily would fall to her knees and say
"OOOOoooooohhh.... HOW BIG?!?!?"
Ah Beng by then would feel assured of himself and say
"Veli veli BIG... can fit three papayas inside... so you wan to go hang out? I promise I will be good boyfriend and I don't have a job now so I can spend all my time with you!"
By then Lily would be squealing away
"OOOHH... TELL ME MORE... TELL ME MORE!!!!"
"Well my Ekzos... GOT HELLO KITTY WAN ALSO".
And Ah Beng gets Lily.
All the other guys.... like us... get left behind and it doesn't matter if you have a good job and drive a Mercedes or BMW... you just don't have the STYLE, the HAIR COLOUR, the EXHAUST, the FOUL WORDS and the CHARM to be an Ah Beng.
Life is such!
The pretty girl will never date you :(
Doesn't it suck to NOT be an Ah Beng :(