Buying Rubber

I was at Watsons the other day at 1-Utama when I saw something that brought back old memories.

While walking around looking for eye-drops, I passed the aisle that sold condoms. Just as I passed I noticed a young couple, looks like they were barely 18 standing facing the stacks of condom boxes, just looking.

I looked in their eyes and I could tell they were having a rather awkward moment there. It was pretty clear that they wanted to buy condoms for their sexy time but were too shy to.

I considered buying it for them for a moment, I mean I'm a realist so I know that they're gonna do it anyway so why not help them do it the safe way.

The 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey says that most people have their first sex in Malaysia somewhere around the age of 19... they looked close enough to 19.But then again I thought.... bahh let them suffer like I did once before.

Heck I remember my first time trying to buy a condom. I was young (I'm not gonna say how young).

My girlfriend at the time said that it was the MAN'S JOB TO BUY THE RUBBER and that IF YOU'RE TOO CHICKEN TO BUY THE RUBBER YOU SHOULDN'T BE SHAGGING ME.

So fine... she challenged by ego and I decided to walk into a 7-11 to buy it.

This was in Penang.

I walked into the 7-11 in Pulau Tikus (which kinda looks something like this but bigger)


and looked for the condoms only to find it near the cashier. Then I slowly took a look at the cashier, because heyy... that's the one person you're gonna have to look in the face when you buy the condom.

I was expecting to see a nice dude at the cashier that might understand my plight, but instead I saw a nice conservative looking lady, probably in her 50s wearing a Tudung.

I thought to myself
"Oh GREAAAT!!!"

But I wasn't going to go leave without rubber. I decided that much.

So I stalled a little bit.

I walked around the aisle and pretended to pick up a few things. I grabbed a Pepsi and a Mars Bar, then walked over to the cashier.

I placed the Pepsi and Mars on the counter and the cashier took my stuff to scan.
While she was doing it, I suddenly went
"Oh.."

as if it was a "by-the-way" thing and took a condom from the side of the counter and placed it with my Pepsi.

The cashier glared at me and said
"YOU MAHU BELI INI (pointing at the Pepsi and Mars), ATAU INI (pointing at the condoms)?!?!"

My face turned red as a tomato.Actually redder than a tomato. Somehow my reflex was to say "Ini sudah boleh", taking the Mars and Pepsi alone and pushing the condom aside.

I paid for the Mars and Pepsi and ran the hell out of that 7-11 store never to go back again for the next few years.

I was so embarrassed. I didn't get laid that night either.

But like all other things practice makes perfect. These days I'm not afraid to buy condoms anymore. In fact, just like when I buy anything else that doesn't expire so quick, I buy them in bulk.

So I walk into KLCC's Guardian, grab like 5 boxes of Condoms at a time and stand at the long queue at the cashiers.

When the person behind me looks at what I'm holding I proudly hold it up, smile at the person and say
"Yeah I know I'm really lucky".

I've done that a few times but I've never ever once actually got a response. Normally the person just shyly looks away.

So to the couple at 1-Utama that day... sorry lah.... but it gets easier ok?

And remember.. always always practice safe sexy time.

This is a community service message by Boss Stewie haha.