Monday, September 14, 2009

Pimp My Broadband

Okay DiGi just launched this campaign called "Pimp My Broadband" which is something like "Pimp My Ride" on MTV. You know when people take videos of how bad their cars are ask MTV to pimp them. I thought it was a really cool idea (some of you might know how I've been struggling with my poor broadband lately) and I somehow decided to do this entry for fun. Note that this is not an advertorial or anything. DiGi isn't paying me anything to write this. Just thought it'll be fun.

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Dear DiGi,

My name is Munkeh.
I'm a monkey but I'm not like any of those stupid monkeys that you see in Botanical Gardens chasing tourists for bananas. No... me and my kind are intelligent monkeys. Monkeys so smart that we can do anything you the humans do and more. Albert II, the first monkey that ever went into space (far before humans did) was my uncle.

We are everywhere! All over the homes of the humans all over the world but we do not reveal how much we know to them. No no no... we lie quietly in their homes, carefully laying out our plans to TAKE OVER THE WORLD BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

But...things..... have.... not... been... great for me lately :(

You see 2 years ago I moved in with this human. I used to think that his name is "Timothy" but I often hear his grandma call him "Ah Boy!" and his girlfriend call him "Oi!".

Oi must be his name then. Anyway, Oi is the best human to stay with if you want to lay out evil monkey plans to rule the world. Why? Because he is almost never at home.

He wakes up at 6AM in the morning, puts on his gay looking sleeveless shirt and runs off to this place that he calls a gym. I'm not sure what he does there but 1 and a half hours later he comes back looking soaked like he had just jumped into a big monsoon drain and came out again.

Then he takes a quick shower and rushes off to work. I never see him again until very late at night when he comes back with his girlfriend who is this cute little girl.

So as you can see, being out of the house most of the time gives me plenty of time alone to work on my plans to dominate the world!!!

I spend much time on his laptop using the World Wide Web to communicate with my fellow monkeys.
I cannot divulge here our top secret plans to take over the world but believe me it is good. Lately though I have run into a lot of problems with the broadband that connects me to the World Wide Web and to my clan of evil monkeys!

The connection is so slow I can load a webpage, go pee and come back to have it still not yet fully loaded. My cousin Pan-Kun who lives in Japan often laughs at me.



He says his broadband there can load a full YouTube video in the time that it takes me load a webpage. He says that my broadband "sucks". It's not just the speed. Every now and then my internet connection dies completely. I have to call up my service provider and have them ask me lots of questions like this:

1) Can I please get your name and your account name? (Name: Munkeh. Account name: Munkeh_RULEZ_THE_WORLDZ).

2) Is your modem connected to your router properly (Yes)

3) Is your modem turned on (Duh)

4) Did you try switching it on and off (Yes)

.... and questions like that until they eventually say "Ok Sir, we will investigate and send a team to you in 2-3 working days".

2-3 WORKING DAYS!!! INTERNETLESS FOR 2 WORKING DAYS!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL THEN? CLIMB TREES AND EAT BANANAS?!?!?! (Honestly... bananas are overrated. Damn humans think we love them more than anything. I prefer cake. The other day Oi brought back this Tiramisu from Alexis... IT WAS EPIC).

So please DiGi. Please Pimp My Broadband so I can give Pan-Kun the finger. In exchange for helping me out I will let you live when we take over the world.

Please DiGi... PUH-LEEEZEE!!!
(see? I'm even begging)

Yours Truly,
Munkeh

41 comments:

a.pancalara said...

i got the same munkeh...lol..he spend the whole day on9...we even fight to get on9..dam munkeh...its my turn...aarrrrr..g2g..

Boss Stewie said...

hahaha where did u get your munkeh from?

Huai Bin said...

Hahaha! OMG Tim this is very well written. Hilarious. Classic mate.

PinkPaperPlane said...

Hahhahah this is very well written! Munkeh is so cute! A lot better looking than Albert II.

Boss Stewie said...

huai bin: hehehe thanks dude

pink: hahaha yes.. the fashion those days were different than today. today... munkeh goes nekked

Anonymous said...

well done

PinkPaperPlane said...

Hahah you're too funny.

Boss Stewie said...

anonymous: thank u :)

pink: hehehe

Hui Zhen said...

Hello Tim, this is my first time leaving a comment.

I must say this post is really hilarious, damn creative lar u. lol

*points at last pic of Munkeh*
DiGi says: eh call me DiGi your magesty! haha it rhymes!

kenwooi said...

Munkeh has taken over Tim's blog.. next: other blogs! =D

kenwooi.com

Boss Stewie said...

hui zhen: thank u hui zhen :) hehehehe please don't be too shy to leave comments :)

kenwooi: hehehe yes yes... yours might be next...

Eric Lee said...

hahahhaha this post is damn funny...too bad the uni i'm studying at is not within digi broadband coverage..

messi said...

thats funny!

today so free r?? lol!

sah90 said...

he3..
make me laugh already..:)

~dolly~ said...

HAHAHAHA~~~
hihi... OI!!!
this post is very funny la...

Boss Stewie said...

eric: ahh... i'm sure they'll expand their coverage in time to come :)

messi: yes hhehehe quite free indeed

sah: hehehe glad you like it

dolly: hello. OI here

messi said...

btw, saw u n aud at T.Music Fest, but u r too far away 4 me 2 say hi!

d concert was great! will blog bout it if got time.lol :)

- m i c h e l l e - said...

LOL! This is just too cute, I can't help smiling as I read along. Good one, Oi! :D

RealGunners said...

From DiGi:

"Dear Munkeh,

Sorry to inform you, your area is Celcom territory, we can't even get near you, remember those ads? Sorry can't do anything for you."

:D

~~haha~~ said...

LOL!You should enter the contest with this story!

~~haha~~ said...
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~~haha~~ said...
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~~haha~~ said...

Oops, pressed the publish button way too many times!

ViViEnNe said...

omg! that was hilarious! XD

Joshu@law said...

Wow...well written and damn funny! LoL~ Indeed a creative way of expressing your thought about digi..:)

goingkookies said...

OMG! hilarious and creative.

Anonymous said...

hahaha! A+ for crazy imagination. A++ for giving the laughs! This really cute and amusing!

Boss Stewie said...

messi: why!!! next time *wave ok? hehe

michelle: hehehe i'm happy u like it

real: yeah i remember that youtube video :) not sure about their broadband since its new, but DiGi mobile coverage is pretty good though. According to my friends usingi t

haha: hehehe i submitted but I don't think i'll get to win

vivienne: hehehe thank u :)

joshua: thank u :)

goingkookies: glad you liked it :) hehe

anonymous: MUNKEH thanks U

Vy said...

Boss, you did it again. You made my day!

I can't stop grinning and smilling while reading this. It's so cute! You do have lots of funny ideas in your head, don't you? =D

Xtine said...

Love the last picture, I had a great laugh thanks!!

Patricia said...

hahahahaha!! this is the funniest thing i've read in a while!! XDXDXD so cute!!! munkeh rocks :P

messi said...

haha..okok wave... uh tam pok xiang siau lang lo like that :D

wabbitfoot said...

Hi Tim,

I've been following ur blog since last year and I really love what u write. It makes me laughing like mad sometimes! and I can sense what you are really a down-to-earth man with all your achievement.

Keep on writing ya...

Zephyr said...

Munkeh rocks!!! and I love that finger part XD. Pls do blog abt your Digi exp when you subscribed it.

those question asked, sounds like from Streamyx, XD. Now is the final month of my Streamyx subs, juz changed to WiMAX few days ago, but slow as hell, :(. Subscribed 1.2 Mbps but get 200++ Kbps and hell yeah load Youtube also got problem.

ielamorry said...

hey, i like your story very much! its so funny!! xD

i even vote for you! i hope you win! :D hee.

Anonymous said...

munkeh is so cute :) you should plot that when you're away from home, and Aud is playing with munkeh, munkeh will try to steal her away from you LOL.

0124424041 said...

I cannot wait till Digi Bb expand their coverage to my area!
I'm so freaking fed up with Maxis Bb!!! Grrr!! Their cus service sucks sooo bad :(((( I've been overpaying Rm48 every mth for 10 mths & still haven't get any refund they promised & also they didn't merge my acc with existing maxis user :(((
and to think I've been a loyal maxis user for like over 10 years!

Lynn said...

loved reading this. munkeh is super cute!

Sharinginfoz said...

congrtas for winning
http://peribadiz.blogspot.com/