Announcement: Okay before I forget again, if you're a fan of Tey Cindy who just recently lost her old blog URL. Here's her new blog.
Last Saturday, Pierre and Lay See got married. You guys remember the both of them right? The "perfect couple" that everyone from Malacca knows. Both together since high school, both smart, both good looking, both from rich families... both nice people... aihh.. both everything.. I'm going to tell my story of the whole day in pictures and words.
1. Woke up at 6.00AM on a Saturday. I looked out my hotel window and Malacca was still dark.
2. I nudged Princess up and asked her to get ready. We had to be at Pierre's place by 7AM. I was going to be one of Pierre's Heng Tai's. Princess made it to the bathroom to wash up, constantly chanting "Haih... 6AM.. fuck my life... fuck my life".
3. Left the hotel and headed to Pierre's house. Was there by 7ish. The sun was finally beginning to rise. Kenny was there too as one of the Heng Tai's along with me.
4. All the Heng Tai's were asked to wear a white long sleeve shirt and black slacks. We were then given a pink tie each and told to wear it.
That idea couldn't have come from Pierre or any of the other guys. We knew it was insisted upon by the bridesmaids.
5. Waited a long time for Pierre. Was told that he was in the shower. We joked about him being in the shower rubbing his forehead and asking himself
"Really ahh... am I really sure about this".
6. But Pierre soon made an appearance and we left his home in a very big entourage. Some 15 cars.
7. The minute we reached the Bride's home,
we saw them... all the bridesmaids who looked at us heng tais like wolves look at meat. It's like they revel in the tradition of how they get to torture the groom and the groom's heng tais.
The girls were all dressed in pink, which explained the stupid pink tie we were all wearing.
8. They immediately got all the guys to sit down on some plastic chairs they had prepared for us. Then they asked us all to roll up our pants and took out something that made me go "What... the... fuck...???"
It was a strip of bikini wax. They were all going to wax off a portion of our leg hair. The head of the bridesmaids announced
"This is to show you men how much pain we have to go through sometimes".
Then each bridesmaid picked a guy and they all started putting on the wax. I looked at Princess with hope that she would save me but she stood there just laughing.
9. Soon I heard the first wax get stripped off. It was Kenny's and I heard his scream
Then one by one of the guys had their leg hair waxed off.
10. When it came to the guy next to me, the girl doing it for him was scared of pulling it off quickly or something. So she SLOWLY pulled off the strip plucking one hair off his leg at a time. He was screaming in pain and shouting
"PLEASE JUST DO IT QUICK!!! DO IT QUICK!!!"
I knew what he was thinking at that point. He was thinking
"LET ME DIE... JUST... LET ME DIE!!!"
11. I was terrified when I saw that. I begged my bridesmaid to make it quick and painless. She pulled it off and I was left with a smooth bald patch on my leg.
You can see it so clearly on the picture but in real life it's obvious like anything.
This is how Kenny's leg looked.
See the patch?
12. For the rest of the torturous half hour that felt like an eternity, the girls gave us little pity.
They made some of us line up and hump each other to pop the balloons with our crotches.
They made us put on lipstick
and play "suck and blow" with each other.
And they made us eat disgusting sandwiches with an overdose of wasabi and some bitter chinese herbs
One of us had it right when he shouted over to Pierre
"Pierre!!! You are losing your friends FAST!!!"
That's right Pierre.... really fast.
13. Finally we got into the house and managed to get Pierre to pick up the bride.
Then they did the tea ceremony and some other wedding traditions.
14. We ended the morning going back to Pierre's home where lunch was served in his garden.
When Mr Kenny Sia saw food...
he didn't wait.
Princess and I had lunch, then we took a picture and headed off.
We went back to the hotel shortly after for an afternoon nap, then woke up again to dress up for the wedding dinner.
Princess and I finally managed to take a picture with the bride and groom.
See my tie sticking out at the bottom of my suit jacket. Almost looks as if I have red underwear sticking out of my zipper hahaha.
16. They gave out MAMEE goodie bags... which only seemed natural since Pierre's family owns MAMEE, Double Decker, Mister Potato and... whatever else.. I love Mamee!
17. The wedding was really grand and had the very tastefully done video slideshow of both the bride and groom growing up.
Then.... they told the story of how the bride and groom met. Princess and I were eager to hear it. I mean... here's a perfect couple.. both perfect in everything... maybe they had a lousy story of how they met or something right? Like maybe they met in class and that's it.
We were wrong.
Here's how they met.
Lay See's best friend Kelly is also Pierre's cousin. One day when they were both 14 or so, they were both at Kelly's birthday party. Then Lay See who was 14 at the time (or somewhere around that age) happened to accidentally spill spaghetti on herself only to catch Pierre's attention.
Pierre called Kelly later that night and told her that if she helped him court Lay See, he will find her an eligible boyfriend. Pierre and Lay See eventually started dating in groups of friends... you know, being young and all. But by age 17 they both officially got together and have been together ever since.
Their sweet story made Princess cry and dashed our last hope at thinking that there was a chance they weren't perfect.
They are a perfect couple. Near the end of the dinner, Princess asked me
"Baby our wedding won't be anywhere as good as this right?"
"I'm sorry Baby..."
Princess and I were both glad we were able to be a part of their wedding though. Pierre was just one of those friends where it really mattered to me for me to be there at his wedding. Thanks for the invite dude.
Oh well...How do you fight Pierre and Lay See.... they're just too perfect.
To feel better about ourselves, Princess and I took more pictures outside... pretending that we were in Paris.
Maybe one day we can show our kids these photos and tell them how we went there for our honeymoon. They wouldn't know the difference.
It looks like we're really in Paris and not outside some hotel ballroom in Malacca right? Right?