Friday, October 13, 2006

Reminding Poor People That They Are Poor

Rich people sometimes need others to sometimes remind them that they're rich.

Which is why sometimes they buy huge houses like this.

Since the knee-jerk reaction to anyone else seeing you with a house like this would be
"HOLY F*CK YOU ARE RICH!!! TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU!!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!!"

In which the rich guy could then attempt to be humble and say

"No lar.. cheap cheap only this house. My bedroom is only a little bit bigger than that island you come from.... what's it called again? Penang?".

Now just like rich people... poor people like myself must also be reminded that we are poor so that we'll feel more down and push ourselves off a cliff.

I came back from my tiring day at work yesterday, walked into my room and sat on my study table for a few seconds.

There it was, sitting on my table and staring right at me was an envelope with my name and address on it. I opened it only to find a letter from Citigroup Wealth Management.I thought to myself
"COOL!!! I have PRIVATE BANKERS managing my WEALTH!!!"

(Forgetting at that point that in order to have private bankers managing your wealth, I need to have wealth to manage first).

So I studied the contents of the letter and found this.
That's right.

All the summary said was that my portfolio was worth RM 0.00 at current price.

Note that they could have said it was worth RM 0 but nooooo... they decided that they had to make a point by adding another two zeros at the end of that figure.

They might as well have said RM0.0000000.

So there you have it.

My imaginary private bankers reminding me that I am poor... and that I HAVE NO ASSETS.

I didn't dare read the rest of the letter for fear that the back of the letter might say
"Since you are POOR and have NO MONEY and are WORTHLESS to us... please pay us a fee of RM500 for this letter that we have just sent you".

Boss Stewie is POOR...

Boss Stewie Will Blog For Food

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aww....there there Boss Stewie...pat pat..

Boss Stewie said...

anonymous.. could u spare some change?

Jason said...

I didn't even receive the letter. They don't even bother looking at my poor status.

Boss Stewie said...

means u're rich enough for them to NOT have to remind u that u're poor

Mz said...

hey, gettin dat letter means u would have HAD the wealth once upon a time, right?? where'd all the money go??

cely said...

My imaginary private bankers reminding me that I am poor... and that I HAVE NO ASSETS. <<< u got ass...

btw, i wanna ask stupid question.. what portfolio is that ? why worthless? why citibank? meh lei geh ??

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

it's ok, i don't even have the status/significance for citibank to bother reminding me that i sleep under bridges in the sewer tunnels.

u're much better off boss! *sob* that's why u're a boss

Mischique said...

don't worry...if you're poor you can always dig for more 'gold' from your parents..that's what parents are for..right? LOL

Boss Stewie said...

mz: no mz... i never had the wealth at any time... I think this is what happened.... two private bankers woke up and called each other one morning and asked

"Hmm.. what do we do today...??"

and the other private bank replied
"OH I KNOW.. why don't we send a letter to stewie to remind him that he is POOR..."

cely: haihh... no assets because i have no money ler.. it's just some private wealth management thing that i'm not even supposed to get

suicidal: u got it all wrong.. if banks didn't bother reminding u that u're poor... that just means u're not as poor as me

brenda: HEAR HEAR!!!

こうゆうけん said...

Too humble already.. boss stewie!!! Actually boss stewie is a rich bastard!!!!

Boss Stewie said...

koyuuken: pls don't joke koyuuken... u have no idea how poor i am :(

William Leong said...

boss, enough with your excuses... i twist your ear then u know if you lie some more!

Boss Stewie said...

william: what?! william.... are u calling me a liar?

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

wa boss kau ni compulsive liar kah?? tsk tsk. u need a proper spanking muahahaha

Boss Stewie said...

suicidal: woi... who said anything about lying? I AM POOR

earl-ku said...

i can give you a bit of my bread ...

Boss Stewie said...

oh please.. any help would be great.. thank u earl

Leon said...

the girls can sniff money.....they are all questioning you....

J said...

Haiyah.... at least you are happy...
Erm.
Right?
:)

Gwen said...

Menjadi pelacur lelaki adalah satu perkhidmatan terhadap Negara anda. Jangan ditipu oleh orang dewasa, inilah amalan mulia.

Stewie boleh!!!

William Leong said...

lets agree with gwen and send stewie to brokeback and let him learn a thing or 2. then s/he wont be lying (that much) anymore.

*err... what does brokeback has anything to do with lying? hmm.. i dun care*

and yes boss, i'm calling u a liar. so? sue me. you and your BMW...

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

watever happened to ur immense wealth of USD 1,000,000 anyway? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Boss Stewie said...

leon: ahhh well they're not always right are they :P

j: yes... a poor man can be a happy man

gwen: i guess i could always resort to that

william: what bmw? u mean the one that my pimp daddy owns?

suicidal: they never gave it to me.. ahh i was conned!!