Thursday, November 30, 2006

Anti-Rape Female Condom

Ahhh... South Africa.

The land of BEAUTY.

How many more places in the world can you see scenery like this.
Studying in London, I have met many South Africans and they all won't stop telling me how beautiful their country is.

Even Alina (one of my best friends at university) spent many years in South Africa and she would never stop telling me how beautiful the place is.
But there is one thing I find very disturbing about the place and one thing that refrains me from going there with any of my friends or family.

South Africa is infamous for having one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world.

The fear of rape is something I believe that any man can never understand as well as a woman could.

No matter how hard we try to understand and hate this disgusting act... we can just never fully understand it.

Just like how a woman can never understand why many of us men find it so hard to ask for directions when we're lost.

Anyway the good news is that Cely recently brought to my attention that a South African inventor named Sonette Ehlers just came up with an anti-rape female condom!
The text in the picture reads.

"Ehlers unveiled a new anti-rape female condom on Wednesday that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut off his penis one of the highest rates of sexual assaults in the world."

Now it doesn't say what's supposed to happen when the 'condom' hooks on to the attacker's penis but I think it's supposed to inflict some pain to the attacker.Right?

That would make at least some sense right?

Why would you have it attach to the rapist for any other reason than for the man to scream

and then weep quietly in a corner
"IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Unless the Anti-Rape Female Condom is meant to tickle the attacker's penis so that he falls to the ground laughing while the woman gets away.
I don't know, those little white spikey things on the condom looks like it could either poke or tickle.

Now while I think it is a fantastic invention that I would most probably buy for my loved ones if it were available here, another side of me makes me wonder....

"Why complicate things?"

All a woman needs is this and this

The chopper to Samurai the attacker's Leaning Tower of Pisang

And the plastic bag to pick up what's left for the nearest Tong Sampah.


Jaga Kebersihan Rakyat!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Rasa Sayang... Hei Rasa Sayang Sayang Hei!

There has been plenty of publicity on the recent opening of Penang's Rasa Sayang Resort after its years of renovation.

The renovation bill came up to RM100 million but I guess that is small money to Robert Kuok, Malaysia's Richest Man and owner of the resort.

The new Rasa Sayang is supposed to be a very very posh hotel, a lot more posh than the ALREADY posh old one.The cheapest room in the newly renovated Rasa Sayang costs almost RM1,000 a night (during peak season that'll probably be more).

RM1,000 a night is something few people could afford.
So I do what most Penang people do.

Find a reason to go to the hotel (like have lunch there) and have a tour of the hotel after that.

So last weekend, I went for lunch at Rasa Sayang.

A lunch that costed all of us almost RM90 per head.

Then we spent the rest of the day walking around the hotel pretending to be hotel guests.

We had our buffett lunch at one of the two restaurants at the hotel called the Spice Market.
Now I don't fancy blogging about food so I'm just going to say that I had some of the usual stuff like this

and A LOT of SASHIMI to get my money's worth.
Yes... the kiasu attitude at its best.

I had so many plates of Sashimi that the guy serving it was very close to saying
"Bang... cukup lar... kalau makan lagi nanti restoran tutup saya juga takde kerja lar!".

So I had my last plate of Sashimi and went for every fat man's favourite course of the meal....

But I skipped most of the cakes, kuih and usual stuff and went straight for the... CHOCOLATE FONDUE!!!

I had so many marshmallows dipped in chocolate it wasn't even funny.

So after my lunch I walked around the hotel with my hands in my pockets pretending to be a hotel guest and feeling very good about myself.Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long.

And cocky I was.

Everything in the hotel was so nice and proper.

Everything was in order.

Even the sitting areas like this...
All the chairs and tables were so aligned that it's almost as if nobody has ever sat on them before (either that or they were all nailed to the ground so nobody could move em).

And even the landscape was to die for.

It almost looked as if Heaven was on the other side of the hotel.
I walked a little further and I came across the swimming pool that had the most unique shape ever.

And somewhere in the middle of that, two guys were playing ping pong.I went up to one of them looking like I belonged in the hotel and said
"Hey how you doing... you staying here?? YEAH.. SO AM I... I'm in room 112...".

After making everyone ELSE think that I could "really" afford to stay in a hotel like that, I moved on.

A little ahead of the pool was a nice sitting area and a little ahead of that was.... THE BEACH!!!

Ok that is one thing that I like about Penang in which London and KL does not have:

And NO ... little sandboxes with a puddle of rainwater beside it in your KL kindergartens do NOT count as BEACHES.

Having most of my attention focused on the beach, it wasn't long before I lost my way around the resort but I came across a signboard that pointed to the all famous Rasa Sayang Spa called Chi!I have heard plenty about this Spa.

I've heard that just a simple massage and spa treatment there would cost you easily at least RM300-RM400.

Now I know what people like Wingz might be thinking

"Aiyah RM300-RM400... if char bor sui then worth it lar!".

But I assure you that when this hotel says "massage" they LITERALLY MEAN "massage" on your back, your neck, your feet, hands and everywhere else but your kotek.So don't expect any of the staff from the spa to come up to you and say
"Sucky Sucky Five Dollah?"

(unless of course you like your kotek pepper sprayed... then please do)

Anyway, soon enough, my tour of the hotel had to end.

And I had to go back to my old "unposh" life of being Boss Stewie.

The signboard at the carpark on my way out read"Exit to Batu Feringgi Road"But it might as well have read

"Poor people walk this way".


Now some people might leave the resort saying
"I wish one day I'll be able to stay in a hotel like this".

But I don't like to just dream. I like to chase the dream.

So I left thinking
"How many coke cans would I have to collect to stay in a hotel like this..."

Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Hunt for My Next Precious

Throughout history, man have always been digging.

Ever since the prehistoric caveman realised that his hands can also be used to dig, the caveman digged!

Men love digging! So much sometimes that we even build gigantic digging machines like this.

It's not because it's fun to go through the hard labour of digging a hole.

And it's not because we hope some women may find digging sexy.

But it's because of what's at the bottom.

Whether it's treasure hunters, archaeologists or even petroleum companies digging for oil, everyone feels excitement and a good sense of accomplishment when they have struck the bottom because that's where the reward lies.

Everyone... but Stewie.

While digging with my spoon yesterday, I reached the bottom of My Precious.NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!


I needed another RM505 to buy another tub of Haagen Dazs, and I needed it QUICK!!!

First I went to Beach Street, the old financial district of Penang to see if I could borrow some money from the banks there.But all the bank officers there turned me down for a STUPID reason.

They said my pet dog Ah Bop was not good enough as collateral for even a RM2 loan.Can you believe that?!


So I got creative.

I went to this building

where the EPF office in Penang as located.

EPF is one of the best things to happen to Malaysians.

It takes a cut out of our monthly salary to put into savings so we're forced to save enough money for our retirement.

In the past, EPF has been very helpful and flexible.

They allow their members to withdraw money from their EPF savings for different reasons.

As long as the reason was good!

For example, in the past they allowed us to withdraw some money to buy computers!Now I don't know about you guys but drawing out money from our lifetime savings to buy ice-cream is a VERY GOOD REASON.

So I went to ask if they would allow me to draw money from my EPF savings to help me with my "daily expenses".

The nice lady behind the counter first asked me what expenses in particular and when I said "Beli ice-cream" she told me to get lost.

So fine!

I left! But I didn't give up hope...

I then went over to the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri where we pay our income tax.In the past, our government has been very understanding to people in the lower income bracket like myself.

They allow us tax rebates for different reasons like for buying books or possibly even... for buying tubs of ice-cream.

But again the woman at the counter told me to leave.

Depressed and beaten... I walked the streets helplessly realising that there was nothing else I could do to get money to buy my ice-cream.

Then I came across these 'advertisements'...Some very kind people were willing to lend me some money to buy my ice-cream.

And all I have to do is just give them my ATM card, my passport, my home address, the address of everyone in my family and a picture of everyone in my family!

Oh oh.. and the only documentation I needed was to sign a note that said

"I Boss Stewie, agree to pay back Lee Ah Long the amount of RM505 with the agreed interest in one month or Lee Ah Long and his 'friends' will throw red paint in my house".

Ahh life is good again.

PS: I blacked out the numbers of the loansharks because I didn't want any ten year old kid who stumbled upon my blog craving ice-cream to REALLY CALL UP "Mr. Lee" to borrow money to buy himself some ice-cream. Don't be silly ok? I obviously didn't REALLY do any of this!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Woman Sues Man For Having Sex with Her and Then Not Marrying Her

Every day I visit the Star Online for my daily dosage of whatever goes on in our dear country.

In yesterday's paper, I happened to come across an article titled
"Woman sues former lover for not marrying her".

The title caught my attention so I read on.

The story goes that this 38 year old woman was suing her 40 year old ex-boyfriend for having sex with her 31 times and not marrying her.

Notice the article said exactly "31 times" and NOT "About 30 plus times".

That's because Miss Nagamah here recorded down the time and place of every time they had sex from 1998 to 2001 though Miss Nagamah denied any ill intention in doing so.

31 TIMES!!!

She must love Baskin Robbins.

So after all the sex (31 of them), the boyfriend decided to run off and marry another woman so Miss Nagamah is using her right as a woman to sue him for changing his mind.

Now I don't know about you guys but I thought that made perfect sense!

Hooray to Miss Nagamah for being brave and standing up to her rights.

There is much that we can learn from her.

From now on, here's what we should do.

First, go out and spend a little bit of money on a "Buku 888" like this.Then every time you have sex with your partner, record down not only the time and place but as much details as possible ie (how long it lasted, how it was, what positions you did it in and in what order) so that it can be used in court.

Remember that it is PERFECTLY NORMAL to record down the date and place of every time you have had sex with your partner.

So when your partner decides to break up with you, just bring him/her to court and don't worry about having any SIGNED LEGAL CONTRACTS like this

to prove that your partner was having sex with you only because he/she promised to marry you because a verbal agreement is good enough for use in court.

Take for example last Friday night.

I AGREED to meet a friend for drinks but at the last minute something came up and he decided that he couldn't make it. Now I could very well take him to court and sue his ass and the judge WILL rule in my favour because I only agreed to go out with him because he told me that he was going to show up.

But he didn't!

So I feel "deceived" for agreeing in the first place!

So... a verbal agreement is all you need.

And when I say verbal agreement I don't mean going through the hassel of taking an oath like this
All that is required is


Of course, the silly man denies that he ever proposed to her but in cases like this, we must never believe the man because he is the offender.

We must believe the woman because she is the victim!

But not only did the man deny that he proposed to her, he went as far as to say that "he had slept with Nagamah... “more than 20 times” but only because she had wanted it."


How could Miss Nagamah ever want sex?

The only reason why she would have sex with him is to do him a FAVOUR...

NOT because she gets any joy or pleasure out of it. Right?

After all, only men enjoy sex.. women don't. Right?

So good luck to Miss Nagamah.

Be strong woman!

You have STRONG case and I'm sure the judge will rule in favour of you.

Girl power WOOHOO!!! PS: You can check out the full article here.

PPS: I would personally prefer a wife with some 'experience' but hey... what do I know!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Angry Streamyx Customer

Ahhh Streamyx!

Many years ago, Streamyx saved our lives!

While the rest of the world was already moving on broadband, all of us in Malaysia were still stuck with dial-up.

I remember how I used to play Counterstrike on foreign servers with 300 ping where all the other people there had 50 ping.

Yes I got my ass kicked.

And when I killed anyone they said I was cheating because I was a lagger.

For those of you who don't play CS and can't relate to the problem, allow me to illustrate in more simple terms.

It's like I got on a race track to race with some people.

And while everyone on the race track drives THIS

I drive... THIS

So obviously I almost NEVER win.

But on the very very rare unlikely occasions that I DO WIN, I get responses like this


So be thankful that we have Streamyx.

But fast forward to today and Streamyx has gone from the solution to all our internet problems to the problem itself.

I was reading Hong Kiat's blog and he brought an interesting audio file to my attention.

It's a recording of a very angry Streamyx customer calling up because he had made numerous complaints about his Streamyx being down and nothing had been done about it.

Then finally a technician came over to his place and told him that it was his modem problem. He spent RM300 on a new modem only to find out later that the internet still wasn't working (ie the problem probably wasn't his modem).
So he wasted RM300.

I can understand his frustration and his pain because for the past few months, my Streamyx at home had been down for at least 20 days in a month (some months it goes down for a full month).

But I can also understand the poor Customer Service Officer on the other end of the line taking in all the vulgarities.Heck... correct me if I'm wrong but it really isn't any of their faults that Streamyx's service has been so poor.

Yet, I must say well done to both the customer service officer and her supervisor Kumaran who later took over the call.

They were both polite and calm to the customer in spite of the insults they were getting.

Few people can find the patience in themselves to do that... I know I personally can't.

Kudos to Streamyx Customer Service.

Download the audio file to the call here.

Trust me... it's worth listening to.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Netccentric Pte Ltd

Netccentric Pte Ltd.

That's what my leetle dotcom is called.

My creative Singaporean partner Ming came up with the name (which is meant to incorporate the words "interNET" and "eCCENTRIC")
Netccentric Pte Ltd (our parent company) is based in Singapore but we also have a Malaysian company Netcentric Sdn Bhd to handle all the R&D work for the company which explains why I spend most of my time in Penang right now.

For those of you who noticed, the Singaporean company is spelt with an extra "C".

The joke behind that is, months ago we incorporated Netccentric Pte Ltd.

But when I came back to Malaysia to try and incorporate Netccentric Sdn Bhd, the Registrar of Companies in Malaysia didn't allow it.

They only gave us the permission to incorporate the company name with ONE C in the middle ie Netcentric Sdn Bhd.

So we settled for that eventhough our company logo was spelt with a double C.

Of course we later found out that used in our context, "Netcentric" is the proper way to spell it so the Malaysian Registrar of Companies was right and they were just trying to correct our bad English.


Malaysia Boleh!

Anyway, our leetle dotcom at the moment comprises of 4 people though there will be another 2 joining us in the next couple of months.

We have two offices, one in Singapore and one in Penang where I have a tiny office with a table like this.

Notice the fan I have right next to my chair.

The central air-conditioning shuts off after 5.30pm so my office turns into an oven after working hours.

The fan saves my life every day.
Our office in Singapore though is a little hidden shop-house somewhere in the city that gives me a very dotcom feel to it.

Every time I walk in there for my meetings I think about the little garage that the Google Guys started Google from.

The Penang Team though is a little more spoilt.

We work from an office located in this building.
So what exactly does our leetle dotcom do?

In time to come, I will slowly reveal bits and pieces here on my blog but as for now, all I can say is... we're working on something that doesn't quite exist yet in Asia.

No it's nothing as certain or tried and true like web designing or e-stores that but rather... something new that will either grow to be really big or fail miserably in the near future.

So it could be anything from having a new search engine to even selling fish online.

An online fish market. How cool is that?

No longer will you have to go to a smelly fish market like this to buy fish.

All you have to do is go online *click* *click* *click* and voila!

You have fish for dinner!

I bumped into the owner of an international publishing company headquartered in our building just a few days ago and he said to me

"Timothy... I should buy some shares in your dotcom then when it grows big, I won't have to work anymore."

I laughed and said
"HAHA! Mr Chew*, need I remind you that 9 out of 10 dotcoms fail miserably".

*Of course... Chew isn't his real name