SPOILING THE MARKET!!!

It's all over the news now.

Really.. it's REALLY all over the news.

Every year, the day after Valentine's Day, the newspapers everywhere will pick a couple that has proposed in a romantic way and hightlight it nationwide.

This year, it's the story of this guy who spent RM40,000 on a billboard ad asking his girlfriend to Marry Him.Now that's all nice and romantic for you Romeo but you're SPOILING THE MARKET FOR THE REST OF US GUYS!!!

Okay lets do a little bit of imaginary history on how proposals were carried out in the past.

During the caveman days it probably went like this

You me get married! Here's your ring made of stone!

Then nearer to the medieval ages.

"Darling lets get married and fornicate so we can have children to lead the generation after us!"

Well okay, those were really pretty unromantic times.

Then it got more romantic where the guy actually has to not yet kneel but, put his hands together to ask for marriage.

Then fast-forward to more modern times and the guy is expected to kneel with a ring to propose.

That's a lovely tradition.

Then it became a trend for guys to kneel in public and propose to their girlfriends, another fine tradition.
So much that now not only is almost every guy supposed to kneel down and propose (which is perfectly fine), but a really 'romantic' way of doing this would be... to do it in public when there are a lot of people around. The more the better.

If you kneel down in private and just the normal traditional way that it would get done, you run the risk of your bride saying
"Hey... wtf is this?? You're proposing to me here? In my house? When nobody is looking?"

Now this is when it begins to cross the line...

Some people seem to like it when the guys make a fool of themselves in public at the expense of making it more romantic for the girl.
You know sort of... if you're willing to make a fool of yourself for me then you must really love me kind of thinking.

So if you don't make a fool of yourself then you run the risk of your future bride-to-be saying
"Hey! Why can't you be more romantic and do something more?"

And now we have the new winner here in Malaysia.
Who spends RM40,000 on a billboard ad to propose.

So now by the time it's my turn to propose and I do it the normal traditional way.. you know in front of a moonlight scenery or something, my love of my life might turn and say
"WTF IS THIS?!?!?

YOU ARE PROPOSING TO ME HERE???

IN FRONT OF A ROMANTIC SCENERY OF KL CITY ON A PRIVATE HOT AIR BALLOON?!?!? ARE YOU MAD?!?!

TAKE THE DAMN RING BACK AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER.... LIKE GET BEES TO SPELL THE WORDS "WILL YOU MARRY ME" IN THE AIR OR SOMETHING!

DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME AT ALL?!?!?" I KNEW I SHOULD'VE MARRIED JASON!!!

PS Romeo: You know I'm just kidding right... congratulations on your marriage! Your proposal was really cool.

HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY!!!

Don't you just bloody damn hate today!

If you're going to college, you'll see many girls here and there walking around with a bouquet of flowers, pretending to be shy but loving every bit of the attention.If you go to work... you'll see flowers delivered to the work place to some of your female colleagues by their boyfriends.If you go to lunch, you'll be hearing all the attached people talk about what they bought their other half for Valentine's Day!

If you go to dinner at a restaurant they'll tell you
"Sorry Sir, I can't serve you your usual duck noodles tonight. Tonight we have Valentine's Day Set Menu, only RM80++ per head with STEAK"And when you go
"I don't wanna eat steak.. I wanna eat DUCK NOODLES!!!"

They'll say
"Sorry Sir... Why don't you come back tomorrow when we bother to serve single people?"
BLOODY HELL!!!

Even trying to READ BLOGS and get away from it all doesn't work.

Today blogs are all flooded with "Oooh what I bought my dahling..." "Oooh where I'm taking my dahling"... "Oooh.. how I know my dahling and how I lup lup my dahling!"

ALL BLOGS.. LIKE THIS FELLA HERE!!!

WELL TO ALL YOU COUPLES............... *&#($*(&#&*($#*&($

ARRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait for today to be over!

HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY EVERYONE!!!

Be A Hot Chick For Only RM19.99

It's great to a guy!

Why shouldn't it be?

I mean guys can stand up and pee... girl's can't.

Girls have to go through the pain of child bearing, and all the guy has to do is play with the cute baby when it comes out!
If a girl were to sleep around, she's a slut. If a guy were to sleep around, he's a stud.

I mean how unfair is life for girls?

Well there are some plus points to being a girl, one of which I'm going to talk about now.

See... If you're a guy... and you're ugly... chances are there isn't much you can do about it.

I mean we could try to dress well, we could go buy an Armani suit with Bally shoes but we're still going to look ugly (in fact we're probably going to make that beautiful suit look ugly) simply because... some of us just ain't good looking.Now if you're a normal-looking girl and you wanna look hot... you can always dress well and put on make-up.

But the one thing that you can put on that will make a HUGE change to your look are a pair of glasses.

Now I don't mean a pair of black sunglasses like this because that's just so yester-year and if you wear that indoors, you'll end up looking silly.
I mean one of THESE big big glasses where it's almost okay to wear indoors.So I decided to do a little bit of a test.

Last Sunday I dragged Samantha to Vincci in Gurney Plaza to buy one of those glasses.
She tried on a few glasses till I found a WINNER.

Then it was time to test my theory...

We went down to Gurney Place!

Now for those of you who don't know what Gurney Place is.
Gurney Place is a small street full of coffee shops, cafes, and restaurants on both sides. I mean there is the Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Segafredos, Chillies... heck all the places where hip people like to go and pose.
Everyone there buys a drink and sits on the outside and watches as everyone else walks by. Guys watch chicks... and chicks watch guys.
So here's the idea of the test.

Test 1: I was going to walk beside Samantha down that street without her glasses on and count the number of guys who check her out.

Without her glasses Sam looks like this.Test 2: I was going to walk besides Samantha down that same street but this time WITH her glases and count the number of guys who check her out.

WITH her glasses, Sam looks like this.Guess what.

In Test 1, I counted 4 guys who checked her out.

In Test 2.... 12 guys.
TWELVE FLIPPING GUYS!!!

THAT'S A 300% INCREASE IN GUYS THAT CHECK YOU OUT... ALL FOR RM19.99.

I can't think of money better well spent!

It's just... not possible! As unfortunate it is for us guys, this thing only works for girls.

Simply because only girls look good in big fat glasses like this that cover half your face. We guys look like idiots in them.

And if you were to wear any pair of sunglass and walk down that street. Hell you'll either be called "A Poser" or "Trying to be cool".

But if a girl wears those big big glasses and walks down that street.

Everyone is going to be
"Wahh!!! Hot hot hot!!! Sophisticated!"

So ladies... go and buy yourself a pair of those big big glasses and enjoy the attention!

Chinese New Year And The Thing About Ang Pows

It is Chinese New Year! Some of us love it... some of us hate it.

Those of us who love it... love it because it's an opportunity for us to meet our long lost relatives in which we have so much to catch up on with.

Those of us who hate it... hate it because that means we have to go back to some secluded hometown and meet up with relatives that you never really shared too much in common with anyway.
For me... I enjoy visiting my relatives and friends but dread the times when I'm asked
"What internet business you doing? Why didn't you want to be a lawyer or banker?"

And when I try to explain that I'm in blog advertising... I get a response like
"HAMIK?! Block advertising? Hamik lai? Can make money wan or not???"

And when I say
"Uhmm.. no not really.."

They'll tell me
"Then what for you do?!?!?!"

But I guess all that still isn't as bad as the occasional
"HAR?!?!? STILL NO GIRLFRIEND AR!?!? HAIHHH!!!!"

So whenever I go visiting, I try to sit down quietly and eat the yummy Chinese New Year biscuits or snacks like this.

I particularly love this.
Let me prove how much I love it.

When I first came... it was full.

When I left... all that was left was this.And the only reason why there were any left overs was because I didn't exactly want to look bad for finishing it all off and not leaving anything for everyone else.

Anyway, a very common question among the young right after Chinese New Year would be
"What is the biggest Ang Pow you got this year?"

Most Ang Pows to me are like RM20 or if I'm lucky RM50 but to be honest, I never really bother to check who gives me what.

I'm just happy I get money just for saying "Gong Xi Fa Cai". Money will never come any easier than that in life.

But since we're talking about big.. how big is big?

I mean seriously... BIG is RELATIVE.

For me... a big Ang Pow is RM100... the biggest Ang Pow I have ever got in my life is RM1,000 but that's one of a kind. Most of my Ang Pows are between RM10-RM20 or if I'm lucky once in a while I get RM50.So RM100 is BIG for me.

But if your family is filthy rich like if your grandfather owns Genting or something, you might even get Ang Pows in the region of RM10,000 or RM20,000 each.

And if you ever get a RM5,000 Ang Pow from one of your relatives you'll go complain to your mum and say
"MUMMY!!! Aunty Susan only gave me RM5,000 Ang Pow this year!!!"

And your mum would probably reply
"WHAT?!?! Really? HMPH!!! Fine.. then next year I also don't give her so much. I will give her ONLY RM5,000."

So how big is big to you??

Why Computer Games Are Bad For Us!

Ahhh computer games!

I grew up around computer games... and I wasted much of my childhood on them.

Even right now I occasionally have phases when I crave computer games... like recently I have a Dota craze (I know, like 20 years too late right?)

In some countries, excessive computer game playing among the youth are increasingly becoming a concern.

Heck in China, they even send some of their kids to computer game rehabilitation camp where they even go there just to play Paintball ... to kinda help them get in touch with a real-life version of the Counter-strike they're used to.

I remember watching that on the news once. Heck they were interviewing all these teenagers and it was really like watching a drug rehab camp. You'll have teenagers saying
"Oh yeahh this is my 3rd time in Rehab after I relapsed again 2 weeks ago"
What's so bad about computer games you might ask?

Well... watch this video that I saw on Aronil's blog.


Haha Hilarious!

Now whether or not the video is real or not... don't matter! What matters is... some people really are like that.

Heck even I used to be minutely like that... I would slam the keyboard and shout
"SONOFABITCH!!! STUPID LAGG!!! CHEATER!!! AUUUUGGGGHH!!!!"

Things Girls Do To Your Camera

I just had a fight with Samantha today.

It all started like this....

One day she was over at my place for a while and just when she came over my brother popped his head into my room and said
"EH BRO... JOM DOTA!"
So what is a guy supposed to say in response to that?

On one hand there's the fag way out; what some of my friend refer to as the WHS (Wai Hai Sei) way out and just say
"Kenot ler bro... my friend is here.. need to teman her".

Or there is the MAN/GEEK way out and say
"OK JOM!!!"

So obviously I took the man/geek way out right?

Now I spend a few hours playing Dota (and losing).... then I come back... Samantha is just blogging on her new blog.

So that's fine right?

We chat for a bit, watch a bit of TV then she goes home.

A few days later, I decide to upload all the photos I had in my camera into my computer.

I had taken some early CNY photos of a reunion dinner and wanted to save it in my comp.

As the photos were uploaded into my Macbook, a slide show of pictures hit my eye.

SAMANTHA HAD CAMWHORED EVERYWHERE WITH MY CAMERA WHILE I WAS AWAY PLAYING DOTA!!!Now there's nothing wrong with Camwhoring. Hell that's just one of the advantages of being a girl. I mean we guys can stand up to pee... girls can CAMWHORE and post pics on their blogs and their readers will LOVE IT!!!

Seriously... name me one famous female blogger who has never camwhored!

Needless to say camwhoring doesn't work both ways...

Hell if I posted some camwhore pictures of myself... half of you readers out there will reach for a bucket to throw up!

The other half of you would make a police report and have me arrested for scarring you for life with such horrible pictures.

You guys remember when I did this and scarred half of you for life right?

So anyway, camwhoring is fine and dandy... BUT YOU DON'T DO IT ON A DUDE'S CAMERA!!!!!!

That's like... GIRLY-FYING HIS CAMERA CAMERA!!!

Before my camera was probably a big lion King of the Jungle.
NOW MY CAMERA IS A LITTLE HIPPO IN A TUTU!!!Imagine all that crap I'm gonna have to put up with now!

I'm gonna have to buy a skirt for my camera now... and she's going to have FEELINGS.I mean the next time she takes a lousy picture and I say
"DAMMIT CAMERA!!!"

She's going to turn around and say
"Why do you talk to me like that? *sniff* Do you know how that makes me feel?"

Then she's going to start periodically asking me
"Tim... does this camera case make me look fat?"And I'll be forced to lie and say
"Noo laahhhh!!! Where got???".

ARRGGGHHH!!!

It's all Samantha's fault!

And you know what the joke was?

The instant I saw the pictures I said to Samantha
"YOU CAMWHORED WITH MY CAMERA!!!!!!!"

and you know what she said?

She replied
"Which ones are you talkin about? The one of my toe nails?"

THERE ARE MORE?!??! AUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

PS: GONG XI FA CAI EVERYONE!!!

History Repeats Itself

Clarence Darrow, a Defence Attorney in the USA between 1857 - 1938 is known for saying the famous quote
"History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history."Remember about 6 months ago when I scratched my cornea while rubbing my eyes and ended up not being able to open my eyes for a few days?

I also remember myself saying
'WHAT KIND OF IDIOT SCRATCHES HIS OWN CORNEA WHILE ASLEEP?!?!"

Today, I have the answer to that question.
"The kind of idiot who will do it again..."

That's right everyone, 6 months after scratching my cornea while sleeping.... I did it again and landed up not seeing one but two doctors and forced upon an eye patch.

I wasn't able to open both my eyes again even though the injury was only on one eye (because like it or not, both your eyes move when you look around even if you close one of them).
There's nothing more frustrating that having an eye injury because you can't do anything but sleep and hope it gets better.

You can't read, you can't go online, you can't blog you can't watch TV.... you can just sleep.

So that's all I did.. sleep sleep sleep until I couldn't get myself to sleep anymore (I mean there are only so many hours a day that a person can sleep right?), so I resulted in taking a sleeping pill to force myself to sleep.

I learned something new about sleeping pills though.
The first time I popped one into my mouth I was thinking excitedly in my head
"Oooh ooh... this thing is going to knock me out any minute now... any minute now... any minute now ... *20 minutes later* .... ahh phuck I'm still awake"!

Which is when I realized that it works if I just try to sleep rather than stay conscious of the fact that I just took a sleeping pill.

Anyway, I have had enough of scratching my corneas!!!

So I have decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

NO LONGER SHALL TIMOTHY TIAH SCRATCH HIS CORNEA FROM SLEEPING!!! NO LONGER!!!!

And the solution is simple.

The Doc suggested that maybe I wear an eye patch every time before I sleep to prevent myself from scratching my eyes.

I say...
"F*CK the sissy eye patches Doc... lets do things the MAN way".

So I dug up an old motorbike helmet I had and ended up with this Arai one which is apparently bullet-proof.
Seriously... the man I got it from told me it really IS bullet proof and I'm not gonna question that.

The last thing do I wanna do is have him prove it to me by having him shoot me in the head while wearing it.

So anyway...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

NO WAY AM I GONNA SCRATCH MY EYES AGAIN NOWW!!!!!

Although this might really be in tomorrow's paper.

BUT WHO CARES!!! I STILL WOULDN'T HAVE SCRATCHED MY EYES!!!

Boss Stewie MIA

Hi everybody, Samantha here writing on behalf of Boss Stewie.

Two days ago, my boss got into a leetle accident. Nothing particularly serious but because of this leetle accident, he hasn't been able to work, play, or even blog. All he can do now is lie in bed and wait to recover. If you know him, you can imagine that he's a very very frustrated man right now.

I'll leave him to tell you what happened to him when he gets back but he promises to be back in a couple of days although the doctor says it might take 3-4 days.

Get well soon, Stewie!

-Samantha

PS: Timothy has requested that I post a link up on his blog, something he has been planning to do but lost track of since his leetle accident.

This is in support of the petition from the recent bus crash that took the young lives of friends of his friends.

Pay a visit to Jolene's blog for more details.