Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Hunt for My Next Precious

Throughout history, man have always been digging.

Ever since the prehistoric caveman realised that his hands can also be used to dig, the caveman digged!

Men love digging! So much sometimes that we even build gigantic digging machines like this.
Why?

It's not because it's fun to go through the hard labour of digging a hole.

And it's not because we hope some women may find digging sexy.

But it's because of what's at the bottom.

Whether it's treasure hunters, archaeologists or even petroleum companies digging for oil, everyone feels excitement and a good sense of accomplishment when they have struck the bottom because that's where the reward lies.

Everyone... but Stewie.

While digging with my spoon yesterday, I reached the bottom of My Precious.NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

I'm RUNNING OUT!!!!

I needed another RM505 to buy another tub of Haagen Dazs, and I needed it QUICK!!!

First I went to Beach Street, the old financial district of Penang to see if I could borrow some money from the banks there.But all the bank officers there turned me down for a STUPID reason.

They said my pet dog Ah Bop was not good enough as collateral for even a RM2 loan.Can you believe that?!

OUTRAGEOUS!

So I got creative.

I went to this building

where the EPF office in Penang as located.

EPF is one of the best things to happen to Malaysians.

It takes a cut out of our monthly salary to put into savings so we're forced to save enough money for our retirement.


In the past, EPF has been very helpful and flexible.

They allow their members to withdraw money from their EPF savings for different reasons.

As long as the reason was good!


For example, in the past they allowed us to withdraw some money to buy computers!Now I don't know about you guys but drawing out money from our lifetime savings to buy ice-cream is a VERY GOOD REASON.

So I went to ask if they would allow me to draw money from my EPF savings to help me with my "daily expenses".

The nice lady behind the counter first asked me what expenses in particular and when I said "Beli ice-cream" she told me to get lost.

So fine!

I left! But I didn't give up hope...

I then went over to the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri where we pay our income tax.In the past, our government has been very understanding to people in the lower income bracket like myself.

They allow us tax rebates for different reasons like for buying books or possibly even... for buying tubs of ice-cream.


But again the woman at the counter told me to leave.

Depressed and beaten... I walked the streets helplessly realising that there was nothing else I could do to get money to buy my ice-cream.

Then I came across these 'advertisements'...Some very kind people were willing to lend me some money to buy my ice-cream.

And all I have to do is just give them my ATM card, my passport, my home address, the address of everyone in my family and a picture of everyone in my family!

Oh oh.. and the only documentation I needed was to sign a note that said

"I Boss Stewie, agree to pay back Lee Ah Long the amount of RM505 with the agreed interest in one month or Lee Ah Long and his 'friends' will throw red paint in my house".



Ahh life is good again.



PS: I blacked out the numbers of the loansharks because I didn't want any ten year old kid who stumbled upon my blog craving ice-cream to REALLY CALL UP "Mr. Lee" to borrow money to buy himself some ice-cream. Don't be silly ok? I obviously didn't REALLY do any of this!


41 comments:

Lance said...

And I was sooooo getting excited....

*sigh*
whut a waste of adrenaline....

Sharon said...

congrats! ermm i lost track. how long did it take for you to finish ur precious?

and the big question, how much weight did u gain? :P

Eve said...

wau...u really finished it!

Boss Stewie said...

lance: LOL lance... sorry to potong stim

sharon: i lost track of how long.... and i've also lost track on how much weight i've put on :P ignorance is bliss

eve: hehe yes of course, i can't waste good ice cream

Sensual Sophia said...

Men don't only adore digging holes in the ground and ice cream tubs. They also love digging during sex... digging every orifice that the woman has :)

Mz said...

ahaha, it's really not a good sign that ur ice-cream is runnin out, yeah? but lookin at the leftovers, u'd have enough for the weekend.

do u know green tea ice-cream is made of vanilla ice-cream n green tea flavouring? dat's "si beh bo hua" lar.. (so not worth it).

anyway, i'm lookin for good durian ice-cream around in Melbourne, know any good ones? maybe i should pass by some gelati shops n take pictures of their even-nicer looking ice-creams. no? dat'll make u drool even more, n forget about green tea ice-cream dat doesn't help to reduce ur weight, or flush out the toxins in ur body like the real green tea does. :P

jed said...

Congrats on finally reaching the bottom... erm, sounds funny lah!

Boss Stewie said...

sensual: right... i woudl ask u to be a little more specific but something tells me that i might regret that :P

mz: no mz!!! green tea is made of FRESH GREEN TEA LEAVES... NO FLAVOURING !!! (that's what i want to believe it to be!!)


jed: thank u :P

mae said...

Hahahaha you could have asked my dad for help.. He use to be an officer for LHDN..

P.S ice-cream still looks disgusting.

P.S.S OO NOW UPDATE US ON UR WEIGHT!! :P

Gwen said...

I'll donate you USD1 towards your ice-cream craving.

Jackson said...

"Man in rehab for ice-cream addiction"

Yesterday a shabby looking young Malaysian man was arrested for stealing tubs of ice-cream from a Haagen Dasz store. Eye-witnesses say he looked like a man with desperation in his eyes and drooling from his mouth.

He initially managed to escape the authorities, but was found later, unconsious after overstuffing himself with ice-cream.

The man is currently in an asylum where he is given electro-shock therapy, to get him off the ice-cream addiction.

andrew said...

hahahahaha up top!
funny, lance.
now try some chocolate flavoured ones please mr boss?
so at least when u post pictures i will drool haha! =)

William Leong said...

let us all agree with gwen and make a support stewie fund, let's start with RM1 donation per head 1st.

hmmm, but since boss also didnt share with us, dun wan la
*takes back RM1 from donation bucket*

MaN|acZ said...

the 14th comment!!!!!

hahahahahah.... wei.. Boss,got nothing to do alredi ar?...

Ting - Ting.!
Round 1 : Haagen-Daaz 0 , Boss 1.

Waiting for round-2.

maybe Boss should get a bucket of KFC , n try to finish in 3 days.
lol.

siewkee said...

haha, i am interested in the weight gain part! encouraging answer can motivate me to eat more ice cream...

J said...

OMG.
O_o

Erm, I'm so proud of you (?)...

Wei dude, nothing wrong with eating nice things but better keep everything in moderation lah...
:P

Cwazy boy.
Hahaha.....

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

are you SURE you didn't do all that? it's ok you know? but next time save yourself the shame and borrow from me la.. i charge you REALLY good interest rates.. muahahaha

now i'd really like to see the belly. camwhore post next please! :p

Boss Stewie said...

mae: ahahah the ice cream may look disgusting but it still tastes absolutely fantastic!!! and i don't really track on my weight so i don't know what to tell u

gwen: wah! thank u gwen.. should i send u my paypal email address? kekeke

jackson: lol jackson! yes... i hope it'll never come to that

andrew: cannot wei! chocolate too sweet.. after i kena diabetes.. choi choi!

william: eh!! nooo!!!! donate balik PLEASE!!!

maniacz: wah kfc.. that one really kenot.. i dun love chicken that much :P

siewkee: hahaha unfortunately i don't keep track with my weight.. all i see is how fat my stomach is and so far i don't notice any difference yet

j: but where's the fun if we keep things in moderation? :P

suicidal: really? can borrow from u?? ahh my money woes are over!

Gwen said...

Now you guys know what to get him for Xmas. Suddenly his house has 200 tubs of green tea ice cream. Hahaha >_> Can swim in it man ...

jes said...

hmm..lame

linsey said...

I <3 vanilla
vanilla pwns greentea
=D

Boss Stewie said...

gwen: that should be able to last me a few months gwen.. so pls do send them over :p

linsey: noooo greentea pwns vanilla

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

chocolate pwns everything!!!! bwahahaahahaha

Lance said...

Correction: BELGIAN chocolate. =)

Alynna said...

Haha, I've only just begun clubbing. In a couple of years, the craze will mellow down, I'm sure. But right now, I'm loving it! ;)

Boss Stewie said...

suicidal: NOOoo green tea!!

Lance: NOOooo JAPANESE green tea

alynna: ahh... clubbing is good fun... i envy ur spirit

Daphne said...

i still love my chocolate ice cream. hahaha. =)

in fact im craving some right now.

bleh. im in office. how to go get a huge tub of icecream?

n i cant believe u ate up RM505 worth of icecream. You know, you could buy like, maybe an LV wallet with that? I dunno. I don't own an LV. =)

Daphne said...

orh ya, i resigned! haha. im waiting for a job offer from u. ;)

nah. gonna be a full time student. by the time i finish in 1 year's time, u wld b ready to employ me as ur HR manager right? =)

Boss Stewie said...

daphne: lol! in one year's time? uhmmm maybe daph.. but why would u want to work for a leeeeetle dotcom

MaN|acZ said...

then Boss got new tagline,

makan green tea, minum green tea, main green tea.

Anonymous said...

maniacz: lol... coke has such good advertising

Boss Stewie said...

ah that was me.. sorry... blogger sometimes doesn't seem to recognise me

Boss Lepton said...

maniacz: u must be kidding, 1 bucket of KFC for my boss? I'll go over help him out. 1 bucket would last me for 1 meal :D

Anonymous said...

im sorry that i can't sympathise with you.

because it's NOT VANILLA.

hmph.

dai lei sei.

-bodicea

Lance said...

Boss Lepton: That explains those obscene pictures of two elephants back in LengMou... =P

MaN|acZ said...

maniacz: u must be kidding, 1 bucket of KFC for my boss? I'll go over help him out. 1 bucket would last me for 1 meal :D
<-- u eat so much u shud join the KFC chicken drumstick eating championship .

maniacz: lol... coke has such good advertising<-- yah i know

MaN|acZ said...

maniacz: u must be kidding, 1 bucket of KFC for my boss? I'll go over help him out. 1 bucket would last me for 1 meal :D
<-- u eat so much u shud join the KFC chicken drumstick eating championship .

maniacz: lol... coke has such good advertising<-- yah i know

Boss Stewie said...

boss lepton: boss u're such a fat fuk!

bodicea: but but... green tea is just vanilla painted in green

lance: hah! u mean ONE elephant ---> Boss Lepton

maniacz: is there really such a championship

MaN|acZ said...

Boss Stewie,
well, there isn't. but you can start one.

or you can start a downing green tea ice cream competition.

lol.

Anonymous said...

lol good stuff

u're one funy dude/gal

Boss Stewie said...

maniacz: hah! alright enough of the green tea.. dun make me think about it anymore.. cuz i don't have it anymore.. and i don't like to think of things that i dun have

anonymous : thanks :P