Wednesday, September 06, 2006

A Citigroup Intern's Birthday Bash (Part 2)

Not long ago I made a blog entry about a Citigroup Intern's Birthday Bash at London.

For those of you who don't remember reading it, please click here to refresh your memory before carrying on with the rest of this post.

While surfing the internet in my tiny London Hotel Room I managed to find a reply to her e-mail by a senior colleague at Citigroup which I think is worth reading.

Dear Lucy,

Apologies for emailing on a private email address but I am currently onholiday in Barbados and refusing to access my Citigroup emails.

However,I have had your email forwarded to me by one of my senior colleaguesabout your party this Friday.

Unfortunately I will not be able to make it as:

1. I always wear jeans and a t-shirt on the weekend (no exceptions)

2.The ritz is SO last season.

3. I would rather not have to waste timebuying you a card and present, which you probably wouldn't need anyway

4. Your PA has advised me that most people won't be turning up so Iwon't miss much

5. Like most people, I'm not very good at sticking toarrival times and would probably miss my slot.

On a serious note, based on your email, I am quite dumbfounded with how you managed to get a job here with us this summer and i will be having some SERIOUS words with the person who interviewed you.

The fact thatyou have obviously spent a lot of our 'Work Time', planning your birthday party and not doing the work we have given you is a clearindication that you are not taking this internship seriously and are not dedicated to the firm.

I do not think we will be in a position to offeryou a full time graduate placement following the internship.

Kind regards,

David Townsend

Executive Director

Global FI Trading Floor

I can't think of a better reply.

The man's a genius!

Anyway, I guess it wouldn't hurt to be Lucy Gao since on top of all the material things she probably already has in this world, she now has FAME and even a T-Shirt named after her and all she had to do was write an e-mail invitation.

Well done Lucy.

Meanwhile, I happened to find someone else's Birthday Invitation.

Do check it out...

'You are all cordially invited to my birthday party in McDonalds, Brixton.

Please get there early to avoid missing out on the buy-one-get-one-free cheeseburger offer (only available before 2pm)...

Please purchase your own food.... I will pay for your ketchup.... you will only get one tub..... between two.

Dress code: The more upper class you dress the more likely you are to get mugged.If you have any issues getting to McDonalds, please contact my pimp. He has several mobile phone numbers.

You should try to use the word 'wicked' as many times as you can when speaking to him. That way, at least he'll understand you.

You will be welcomed outside McDonalds by a tramp sitting by the entrance, and pretending to play the harmonica...

When asked "do you have any change?".... just make as if you can't speak English.... like this... "Me No Inglish", and enter.

Please conserve your money for the happy meals.

Entertainment will be provided courtesy of the Metropolitan Police, who will be escorting a group of ASBO kids out on a day-trip.

McDonalds have arranged for a lovely angel cake for us to look at.

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE CAKE..... You touch, you buy!

No boxed gifts.... I will, however, accept milk vouchers.Its gonna be pukka!'

You've gotta pity the poor guy.

Somebody spare him some change.


Anonymous said...

The executive's reply is simply ingenious! ROFL doesn't tt give u 2nd thoughts abt having urs on the RSS? careful boss ming fires u!

but you still get jessica alba. i'm so your best friend now, no?

Anonymous said...

The first part of the post was good. The McD invite just put you in the lack of creativity category Tim... disappointed.

Boss Stewie said...

suicidal: eh? what's this gotta do with my rss? and yes u're still my best friend

bunny: i didn't write the second one.. but i liked it :P

Anonymous said...

Now everyone's gonna wanna touch the cake! Free mah, it's on the birthday whore. I mean, boy. Girl. Whichever sex is applicable. ;)

Anonymous said...

Now everyone. You can join me as I celebrate my birthday bash at the Prime Minister's office. Only those wearing blue shirts with a white scale logo printed on it will be allowed to enter. Any logos resembling rockets or the moon will be denied entry.

*Note: This isn't a political post. Just plain sick humour... >_>

Boss Stewie said...

alynna: alynna.. tsk tsk.. that's just nasttyyyy

lance: blue shirts with a while scale logo?

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHAHA so now do I get the entire 4 seasons?? wHeE!


oh i forgot the name for the Russian Space Station (which I just found to be MIR) so i just used RSS lo. you're too tech-wired la, try thinking like a normal person once in a while instead of the genius you are.

jeez, damn embarrassing wei.

Boss Stewie said...

suicidal: aiyoo ok lar ok lar sorry lor

Anonymous said...

boss stewie: Take a look at the BN flag... tsk tsk... Too many ducks floating in your mind now, don't you think?

Boss Stewie said...

ohh okok lance

i understand now

u're right
the ducks clouded my judgement

Anonymous said...

u'll be forgiven as soon as i get my ducks. muahahhaaha :D