The Accidental Bloggers' Meet

I was gonna write about a BIG ASS Plasma TV that I saw in KLCC. I had it all typed out and saved in the draft but I found out Nicole beat me to it two days ago!!! ARGH!!!! NICOLE!!!!!

Anyway...

Kenny was down in KL this weekend.

I had to meet up with him to pass him something so we decided to have Sunday lunch at our favourite Pan Mee place.
Since Kenny was around, I decided to call perhaps a couple more bloggers.

Somehow those few more bloggers called some other bloggers and we ended up with a small meet with some of Malaysia's Top Bloggers and Nuffnang staff.

I guess one of the benefits of working at Nuffnang is at some point or another, you'll probably meet some of the famous bloggers in Malaysia or Singapore.

Almost as good or even better than the famous one at Kin Kin.

So all of us decided to meet up there.

There was...
Seated on my left there was (from left) KY, Nicholas, Suanie and Cheeserland.

Seated on my right was (from left) Skyler, Pink Pau and Samantha.It's nice to have Samantha around because for all of you who may or may not know... Samantha is the one who approves all the cheques for HSBC to send out each month.

Nuffnang sends out over a hundred cheques each month in Malaysia alone (not counting Singapore), and Samantha is in charge of making sure everyone gets their cheques at the right time.

And seated in front of me is... Mr Kenny Sia.

Now some might wonder what these top bloggers talk about when they meet up for lunch.

Well.. a little bit about Nuffnang, a little bit about the Innit Community... a little bit about work... but mostly casual fun things most normal people talk about.
Of course... we also make sure we have some content to blog about after our lunch so I asked everyone to make a face so I could all take their pictures and put it up on my blog.

So here's Pink Pau's.
Nicholas's

Skyler'sKenny's

Samantha's
Cheeserland's.


And Suanie!
Oh and lets not forget KY.

Speaking of KY.

He told us the most disgusting riddle of the day.
The riddle goes
"Knife can cut meat... what can meat cut".

The first reaction was from Skyler who said
"Is this something pervertic?"

And Ky said
"No lah... it's something really normal".

Naturally we all couldn't figure out what the answer was so finally Ky said
"Meat can cut Shit".

All of us gave a very blur look... similar to the look Samantha gives when she's confused.So Ky went on to explain
"Well when you're on the toilet shitting.. at some point your butt would have to cut off the shit right? Like it or not.. you do it every day!"

Everyone went
"EWWWWWWWWwwwwwww!!!!!"

Except for me who went
"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHhahahaha... wait... wait... I mean... EWWWWW!!!!!"

Shopping with Girls

At least ONCE in his lifetime, every man... will have to experience shopping with a girl.

It may be a friend, a girlfriend, a girl you have a crush on, or it may be your mother... at least ONCE in your life, you WILL have to go shopping with a girl.

Today I went to do my shopping duties with a girl.

Now every girl you will go shopping with in this generation... EVERY GIRL... will find her way to Vincci.Don't you ever DISS Vincci man.

She can be the nicest most polite girl to you ever... but the minute you say
"Hey I think Vincci sucks... can we NOT go there this time?"

She's gonna tell you to F*#K OFF!!!

I mean look at the place.

It's almost ALWAYS full.

With ladies walking around, picking up the shoes on the side and throwing it on the floor to try it on.

Now as a guy... there is a couple of things that you are expected to do when going shopping with a girl.

Number 1: Face it... you're a Bell Boy.CARRY HER BAGS.... it don't matter how many bags there are or how many hands you have... YOU CARRY EM ALL!!!

Number 2: YOU LOVE SHOE SHOPS.

You do....

You know why??

Because shoe shops like Vincci ALWAYS have seats for people to sit and try on shoes but MOST IMPORTANTLY for the men to sit on while they wait for their women to shop away.So guys... I'm sure you've seen this all before.

I mean you'll be at some shopping mall or in Vincci.

Then you'll see one guy sitting alone there on the bench and in his hands many many paper bags for Isetan, MNG, Zara etc etc.... and you might think to yourself

"HAHAHAHA!!! What a loser.... probably gets whipped by his girlfriend every day".Well don't laugh... why???

Because I used to laugh and make fun of guys like that... but sooner or later... it will be YOU sitting down in that shoe shop... more than once in your lifetime too.Trust me guys.

Number 3: ALWAYS BE AROUND to give your opinion.

The truth is... your opinion isn't gonna matter to her. It really isn't.

You can tell her that you think the blue shoe is really nice... but she's going to pick the pink one anyway.

But you STILL HAVE TO GIVE YOUR OPINION.

And you BETTER act like you care about the opinion you're giving her.

When asked
"Hey.. do you think the pink or blue shoe nicer?"
NEVER SAY
"Anything lah".

Then she'll think that you don't care!

and NEVER EVER SAY
"Uhh that wan!" (And point in between both shoes).

Because then she'll KNOW that you don't care!

What you should do is pause for a while, take a good look at the shoes she's holding in her hands and say
"The blue one makes you look more like a professional working woman but the pink one makes you look more like the happy Sunday girl".

Don't even think about whether that answer makes sense or not.... because it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you'll be scoring some brownie points since you've shown her that you've answered her in more than 1 word.

Number 4: Always give her a reason to NOT want to bring you back to the shop.

This is important. If you don't do this last step... then you're going to be shopping bell-boy for LIFE.

DO YOU WANT TO BE SHOPPING BELL-BOY FOR LIFE?!?!

So there are many ways you can go about doing this... from picking a fight with the sales girl there or almost dropping or breaking any of the stuff there.

For me... I pretended to be really really fascinated by the mirrors on the floor that helped you look at your own feet.

After she was done she came over and said
"Okay lets go"

And I said
"Wait wait... this is really cool. I've never seen my feet like this before."

And kept staring at the reflection of my shoe in the mirror.

She'll sit next to you... then 5 minutes later she'll say
"Can we go now?"

And then say
"Wait wait... this is really cool... I wanna remember this... wait let me take a picture of this".

Then once you whip out the camera you take as many shots as you can and take your time taking them as well.

Just say that the previous shot you took was a little blurry or that someone walking pass was blocking your shot.

Stall as much as 15-20 minutes.

Until she says
"EH IF WE DON'T GO NOW I CAN'T SHOP FOR MY NEW BAG ALREADY!!!!"

Then you give in and say
"Okay okay... sorry sorry... nevermind I'll finish this when we come back again. Are we coming back here again?"

Then trust me... you will never EVER have to set foot in that shop again.

NEVER... (Unless of course you're STUPID enough to later on tell her that it was all part of your evil plan and laugh out loud like Dr.Evil).So do all these steps for each shop and sooner or later she's going to think that you're a sweet guy for always offering to go shopping with her... but she'll never bring you.. because you waste time!

Guy Bloggers Suffer *SNIFF*

Many people somehow think that my life is really interesting, that I go through a lot of very fun things and adventures for the nature of what I do for a living.

The truth is... yes... there are a lot of things that happen to me and it's a rather fun life.. but the sad part is... much of it are things that I can't blog about.

*SNIFF*

So there are times like tonight when I actually run out of things to write...

It sucks to be a guy blogger doesn't it?

I mean... it really REALLY sucks...

Why?

Well if I were a girl blogger... and I run out of things to do.

All I would have to do is whip out my camera....

and snap pictures of myself

over and over again.

And just post them up.again
and again."PICTURES ALL STOLEN FROM SUET LI'S BLOG WITHOUT HER PERMISSION BWAHAHAHA"

And my readers would LOVE it ... why?

Because I'm all hot and sexy and they love it when I camwhore... almost as much as they love it when I spend time to write my intelligent entries.

It reminds me of the time Kenny Sia pimped me.

It's almost every blogger's wet dream to be pimped by Kenny Sia... I mean why not... the minute Kenny touches you on his blog, your traffic will shoot up by the thousands in a day.

One day, Nicole messaged me on MSN
"Your traffic must be through the roof right now".

I replied
"Huh? REALLY? Why?"

She couldn't wait to break the truth to me.
"Kenny pimped you."

So excited like a little Japanese school girl I called up my blog stats and looked at the referrals I had. I was imagining my stats to show a chart that spiked up like that.

I was so excited!!!

I mean there I was about to see for the first time ever... my traffic go through the roof.

Once I pulled up the stats, I took a good look and I couldn't believe my eyes.

So I put on my glasses and peered really really close to the screen.. wondering if I got the number right.And the number WAS right.

Of the tens of thousands of people that read Kenny's blog each day... do you know how many of them clicked on my link there to visit my blog?

ELEVEN

Yes... eleven. Not Eleven hundred... not Eleven Thousand... not Eleven hundred thousand.

ELEVEN

I couldn't believe it!!! Why? What was it about my name that nobody wanted to click on?

Until someone brought this up.
"Tim... in Kenny's blog you're listed along with Nicole, Pink Pau and IcyQueenGoddess... with 3 other girls... do you think ANYBODY WILL CLICK ON TIMOTHY?!."And it made sense.

So the next thing I know, word got around and Kenny heard about this joke so being the guy with a sense of humour, the next time Kenny posted me on his blog he had the caption with a picture of us saying
"Me and sexyshortskirt", linking my blog to sexyshortskirt.

You know maybe if some guys think that sexyshortskirt is a nick used by a female blogger they might click on it right?
Well... IT WORKED!!!

I MEAN...

IT REALLY REALLY WORKED!!!

The number of referrals from Kenny's blog had a more than 50% increase from the day before... from 11 to.....

*drum roll please*

EIGHTEEN!!!

*Sigh*

It does suck to be a guy blogger doesn't it? (Unless of course you have a great sense of humour like Kenny)

Anyone else feel my pain?
PS: Kenny...I never really got to thanking you for pimping me twice a few months back... so thank you Kenny. There... I pimp you back now... (Ishh.... not like you'll feel it).

How To Make Japanese Buffets Worth It

I love Japanese buffets!

I do... I really really really really really do.

And I'm sure so does everyone else.

My favourite place for Japanese Buffet has to be Kampachi.

I mean... there are tons of Japanese Buffets around... most with the largest variety ever but few with as much quality as Kampachi.

The only problem with Japanese buffets of course is.... they're expensive... so when you go. You gotta get your moneys worth.

So here's what you have to do to make your money's worth.

Step 1: Don't starve yourself but eat just a little.

The morning of the buffet, wake up early and have a light breakfast. Don't NOT eat anymore like most people would say... because doing that builds up gas in your stomach which lowers your capacity to eat more at the buffet.

So eat like a small bowl of cereals or something and drink some Yakult.Now Step 2 onwards is the tricky part.

At Japanese buffets, the only thing that you're fighting against is not stomach capacity (if you're prepared) but TIME.

They're always like 12pm - 2.30pm or something. So you have to make sure within these 2 and a half hours, you gotta eat enough food to feed Sudan for a year to make your money really worth.

Step 2: Pee before you eat!

When you get to the restaurant, make sure you use the toilet first.

When you eat, you're gonna be consuming liquid, when you consume liquid, you're going to want to pee, when you want to pee you're going to want to go to the toilet and when you go to the toilet.... YOU WASTE TIME!!!
So go to the little boys' room and do your business first.

Step 3: Sit at the right place

Once you get into the restaurant, ALWAYS request for the table closest to the Buffet tables. The further away it is, the more time you have to spend back and forth getting food and the more time you WASTE!!!

Step 4: Eat the right things

Now when you go to a buffet, what should you eat?
They always have things like rice or noodles to help you fill up your stomach... is that what you should take?NO!!!

IF YOU WANNA EAT RICE, GO EAT HAWKER FOOD!!!

At Japanese buffet, the first thing you go for is SASHIMI!!!LOTS AND LOTS OF SASHIMI!!!

Then once you're bored of the Sashimi, I'll excuse you if you go for the beef.

But make sure it's not just beef in those buffet trays with a candle underneath.

Make sure they're FRESHLY COOKED BEEF AT THEIR TEPPANYAKI AREA.And make sure it's not Sirloin or some lousy crappy beef.

It has to be U.S.A. IMPORTED BEEF... and TENDERLOIN OR FILLET... anything below that is a waste of stomach space and time.

Step 5: Oysters are expensive too

Remember the Mr Bean episode where he whacked all the oysters at a buffet he went for and he got a stomach ache for that?


Well that episode was probably sponsored by buffet restaurants that want to discourage people from finishing off their oysters faster than they can refill them.

In real life... that don't happen much SO WHACK IT ALL!!!

TAKE NO SURVIVORS!!!

Step 6: SHUT UP!

Your mouth can only do one of two things.

Eat... or talk...

So when you're at a buffet.. don't waste time talking.. your friends are just there with you to decorate the table... EAT!!!! IF YOU WANNA TALK GO TO A MAMAK !!!

Step 7: IGNORE THE CLOWN

As part of their conspiracy to slow you down and distract you from your buffet crusade... some restaurants bring in clowns to make little balloon poodles to distract you.
What do you do?

YOU IGNORE THE DAMN CLOWN and focus on your food!!!

The only time you should be talking to a clown is when you're asking the clown to help you get more Sashimi understood?!?!

Step 8: Eat the right dessert

Sooner or later it'll be time for dessert.

So what do you have for dessert?

Do you have the tempting ice-cream they have there?
NO!!!

IF YOU WANNA EAT ICE CREAM... GO BUY A TUB OF WALLS FOR 10 BUCKS AT TESCO!!!

At the buffet, you eat....

DO RAE YAKI!!!
Also known as DORAEMON BISCUITS!!!!

WHY??

Because they're made fresh on the fly.

And because we all love Doraemon.... don't we?
PS: Dear Kampachi, if you're reading this... please don't ban me for life..... please please please... I'll promise not to sweep clean the Sashimi table next time.

Boss Stewie Reveals His Addiction

I have a confession to make.

I am addict.

I don't know why I started.

It started with just one try.

One of my friends pushed me into trying it, saying that it's just once... nothing wrong with that and just one time won't get you addicted.I believed him and I decided to try that one time.

I never went back then.

I remember when it first went into my body. I first felt a tingling sensation.... and then a deep sigh of relaxation.

It felt good... it felt so good.

I tried to stay away from it the next day, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I thought to myself
"Hey... what harm could ONE more do?"

And so I took it again for the second time... which then led to the third... fourth... and before I know it, today I can't do without it.

Every day without fail, I had to have at least one shot.

Some days, I have 4-5 of them in a row. I know its never good to have so many.

But my day just isn't right without it.I hide a stockpile of it in my fridge.... but I know that someday someone will open my fridge looking for food.


But instead find... an entire stockpile of YAKULT.I can't help it.

Yakult now has me by the balls.

A few of my friends tried to talk me out of my addiction.

Sam: You know you're not supposed to take so many of those each day.
Me: But it's a healthy drink!

Sam: Yes but you're supposed to have ONE a day. You're not supposed to use it as a replacement for water.

Me: But... but... I'm going to be away for a week after tomorrow. I'm not going to be able to have it for a whole week so I'm just having more now to make up for the rest of the week.

Teoh: Uhmm.. unfortunately.. that's not how your body works.

Me: What do you mean that's not how my body works??? Eventually at the end of 7 days, I am going to have 7 Yakult's in my blood. What difference does it make if I have it now or later?

Teoh: In that case, then you might as well shower 14 times today so you won't have to shower for the rest of the week. (Or pee 50 times today so you won't have to pee for a whole week).

Me: ... ... ...