Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Books You Don't Want To Be Caught Buying

Ahhhh the book store.

I don't know about everyone else but I love book stores.

Malaysians in general don't exactly have the habit of reading.

Go to a McDs in Malaysia and quite rarely you will see anyone reading a book there.

Go to a McDs in London and you'll most definitely at least one person eating alone and reading a book there.

And in case any of you were wondering... the answer is
"NO... reading the daily newspaper,FHM, CLEO and etc etc... DOES NOT COUNT as HAVING A READING HABIT".


It's interesting to see what kind of things people read.

A pawn shop owner who happens to be a watch enthusiast once told me that the watch you wear tells people what kind of person you are (because pawn shops have plenty and plenty of watches).

But I think the truth is that it's the books you read that tell people what kind of person you are.

In bookshops, some people can actually take pride in showing others what they buy.

For example,

Say you were at the Cashier in MPH paying for your book/magazine and right next to you was a hot girl looking at what you were buying. If she caught you buying Da Vinci Code years ago...

You can confidently look at her without a blink and say
"Yeah baby... Da Vinci Code is the coolest book in town now.. and I'm buying it... so I'm cool too."

And the hot girl would believe you and might even giggle.

Or if you get caught buying a magazine like Men's Health,
Then you can stand proud and say that you are truly A MAN.

Or even if you get caught buying a book like this.
Then you can proudly say to the hot girl

"Yes... it's true. I'm a compulsive smoker and I'm trying to change."

So what reading material shouldn't you be caught buying?

I'm sure some people would say that they'd never want to be caught buying a dirty magazine by a woman.

But I disagree.

If you ever get caught buying a Playboy... just turn and look at the woman and say
"Do you read this magazine? Man there are some beautiful women in there that are almost as beautiful as you".

How bad can that be?

What you REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT BUYING ARE BOOKS LIKE THIS


In which you should turn to the hot girl next to you and say
"Oh... this is for my little brother. He kept asking me all these questions so I decided to get him a book that explains everything".

What you DON'T SAY is something like
"Oh it's not for me... it's for a friend".

Because she won't believe you.

In fact, that's just as good as saying

"I wank 3 times a day, 21 times a week and 1092 times a year. I am the Masta of Masturbation... THE MASTA!!!!".

So yes... being caught buying a book like that will probably bring you down to the lowest you've ever felt in your life in which you would probably ask yourself

"What could be worse than this?"

Well... the answer is: If you get caught reading a book like thisThat says on its cover
"Find out why masturbation is destroying your life and what you can do to stop it.
Life is very short, don't waste your valuable time masturbating".

In this case, don't bother saying anything to the hot girl.

Don't try to say you're buying it for your little brother because she really won't believe you.

Heck, don't even try to play the honest man card and say
"Yes... it's true. I'm a compulsive masturbator and I'm trying to change."

DON'T... DON'T say anything to her.

Just take your book and your receipt, turn your back and run... run... RUN BEFORE SHE CALLS THE COPS!!!

32 comments:

cely said...

hahaha.. seems like this is meant-for-guys entry

cely said...

Wow.. cant believe i m the 1st... 1st time ever !!!

any special prize? since this is my 1st time... :p bluek

Boss Stewie said...

cely: pls lar.. u make it sound as if this blog is like thesuperficial.com

that blog it is nearly impossible to be first

cely said...

but i really never be 1st one to comment in ur blog ma.. overly happy.. haha

Anonymous said...

i stop reading books after having internet porns

Boss Stewie said...

cely: ok lar cely okok

anonymous: ahh yes.. things the internet has done for us

Wingz said...

ah? u go bek to UK again har?

Efendi said...

:lol: this is the best article i've ever read ^^

think i like your blog ;) i'll feed it ;)

Alynna said...

Hahah, I bought Lolita yesterday and asked the lady if it was a good book. She told me that it was, and that I'd definitely enjoy it. Some part of me doesn't know what to think. ;)

But imagine if I had done that in a local bookstore in Malaysia. Anyone who even recognises the title would be shooting me dirty looks just for THINKING of buying the book!

Boss Stewie said...

wingz: i'm not going back to uk anymore wingz.. i'm back in malaysia for good now

efendi: thanks efendi .. hehe

alynna: i think shooting you dirty look is an understatement.. i think you'd more likely spend the night in jail

Wingz said...

mahai u go bek yingrand also no tahpau duck for me!!!!

earl-ku said...

ha, i have the da vinci book sometime back, theni read it, i had to cover the the title ... paiseh...

J said...

Hahaha....
Those books had better be listed on some internet book seller like Amazon or it's never gonna get sold!

I mean, even if ppl give you free (in a public area: shopping center, etc), would you take it??

suicidalconversationjunkie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
suicidalconversationjunkie said...

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA wat if I were holding a "Sex: The perfect guide for homosexuals"???

eh no wait then i'd be gay and i wouldn't give a fcuk abt wat the girl thinks.

but what if the girl was my mom?????

GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok so i shiok sendiri but i am laughing here LOL

Boss Stewie said...

wingz: aiyoo i said in my previous post that i got tarpau but the security check at the airport din let me bring through :P

earl: hahahaha... eh.. isn't that something to be proud of? cover for what? if u have a pretty gf... do you cover her face when u go shopping in public with her?

j: my daddy always taught me "Anything free... just TAKE.. dun ask questions"

suicidal: yes.. i think you answered your own questions pretty well suicidal.. hahahaha....

Alynna said...

I sure as hell am not looking forward to that. Oh, I saw something today that I thought might interest you. It's the cover story of BRW. You can have a look at www.brw.com.au

If you like, I can post the magazine to you. =)

Boss Stewie said...

alynna i can't seem to load that url

what's the cover story about?

earl-ku said...

lol, when everyone read the book in 2005 and i bough the book in 2006, and the movie is like 2 months ago? dont think so ...

cely said...

earl : to be exact.. the movie is like 4 months ago... in may.. haha

Boss Stewie said...

earl :ohh so late ar... so late then u're better off reading charlie brown encyclopedias

Applegal said...

Is the second book for real??

I think I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a guy buying Playboy or FHM, but I would be intrigued by a guy browsing through the classics ;)

I've found myself sneaking glances at a good looking guy looking through Shakespeare and poetry at a bookstore before, but he had an equally good looking guy friend standing with him :P Sigh.

Alynna said...

Cover story's entitled 'Young Rich'. Obviously talking about young and rich people. :P

'While the fourth annual BRW Young Rich list finds its movers and shakers in fields as diverse as fashion and financial services, the year’s new luminaries prove there is more to flying high than having youth on their side.'

Let me know if you're interested. :)

Boss Stewie said...

applegal: and let me guess.. the guys who buy books like "Learn PHP Programming" are hunks too right?

alynna: ahhh!! i am.. but i can't seem to load that page.. my browser won't load it up :(

Applegal said...

boss stewie: Ehhh, it depends on the guy, not the book ;)

Jackson said...

Boss, you make it sound like you only go to the bookstore to pick up girls, hmmm?? I wonder what your baby has to say about that :P

Alynna said...

Lol, it's okay. I'll just mail it to you. Err... now if I can figure out how to get your address..

Tell you what. Sms me it. My number's +61413852698. I don't know how long it'll take to get to Malaysia, but I hope it won't take ages. :)

Lance said...

Now I know why that girl was standing with her mouth wide open throughout the whole time when I explained why I bought that book...

And all the while I thought she just had a Butox.

Boss Stewie said...

applegal: ahh.... but lets generalize a little here.. have u ever seen a hunk pick up a book on mathematics?

jackson: ermmm... she says it's healthy... uhmm.. yeah.. that... uhmm.. yeah...

alynna: u sure u really want to go through so much trouble for me? i feel damn malu lor

lance: now now lance... don't lie.. i know u'd never need to buy a book like that :P

Boss Stewie said...

alynna: ahh on second thoughts, i wouldn't feel good about myself if i let u send it to me all the way from aussie.. no worries.. i'll find a way to get it from here... thanks very much for the very kind offer anyway

Applegal said...

I wouldn't know, I haven't done a stake out at a bookstore surveying which isle do the hunks gather ;)

Leon said...

Nice of you to put in a bit of Men's Health. Haha....definitely beats FHM and what not.