50 Years Ago....

MERDEKA!!!

MERDEKAA!!!

MERDEKAA!!!

Times When You're Reminded You're Single

ARGHHH!!!!

I have been single for almost a year now.

Something I have always been very happy about, especially since Nuffnang launched... I have no commitments to hold me back.

But there are times when the feeling of single-hood catches up on me. And no it doesn't have to come in the form of just seeing happy couples when walking around Ikea furniture shopping for their home (damn I hate those happy couples!!!)

It comes all in the form of a simple invitation.

This Friday, I got invited to this private event for the advertising industry.

I was told that I can "Bring a date".

Which sounds all fine and dandy right?

Except for one problem.

I HAVE NO BLOODY DATE!!!

And for some reason, I am surrounded with girls who are all attached.

That's right!!!

YOU CHICKS KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

WHY DO ALL OF YOU STICK AROUND ME?!?!? HUH?!?! GO AWAAY!!!! LEMME ALONE!!!!

So there I am going to be this Friday, when everyone else, and quite a number of our clients are going to be there with their wives and dates.

Then they'll all ask me
"Oh Timothy!!! You're here... great to see you mate... who did you come with?"

And I'm going to have to say...
"Oh I came with my pet dog Ah Bop. He's getting wasted at the bar right now... going to go save him in a sec."

*Sniff*

Suddenly I begin to feel the way Richard Gere felt in Pretty Woman.

Needing an 'escort' to follow him for events like this.

Where is my Julia Roberts? Where where?

A Little Bit of Attention on Nuffie

Last week while I was in Sydney, I learned that Sin Chew, the largest chinese newspaper in Malaysia came up with an article which mentioned Nuffnang.

Then just yesterday morning, I received a flood of SMSs from my friends and associates talking about the latest article about Nuffnang that came out in The Starbiz.

My mum was one of the first to pick up the paper too.

Afraid my head will grow to the size of a durian she reminded me,
"Son... remember one thing.. you haven't quite made it yet... you have a long way more to go".

I nodded immediately and said
"Yes mum.. I know...".

My parents had always taught every one of us in the family the art of humility.

To my mother, a successful but humble person puts him/her a class above everyone else.

And if humility is the root of success... arrogance is the root to failure.
Oh I also got some messages from some ex-girlfriends of mine that I haven't heard from in a long long time (and are as usual happier without me).

That was fun.

Thanks so much to Hung Yee of The Star who wrote the article.

I still remember her telling me that I was the youngest person ever to be interviewed for that column.

Hung Yee, thanks for believing that age is no barrier :P

Credit also to Kim who handles our PR and for whom without, much of our media coverage would not have materialized.

If you guys want to read the online version of the paper, click here.

To all of you who left me the nice messages on my blog or by e-mail, thank you so much!!!

But as my mother would tell you if you ask her, DON'T get carried away... we have a lot more to do and a lot of expectations to fulfill.

What Will Happen If We Have More Guys Than Girls?

I just happened to read an article in the BBC News lately, talking about how China is coming up with new laws to tackle the growing gender imbalance in their country.

We all know the source of these imbalances right?

One child policy... Chinese favour sons, so they go for abortions as soon as they find out that the baby is a girl.

Well apparently now the gender imbalance has gone so bad that in some cities there are 8 men to every 5 women.
A quote from the article

"Experts fear the phenomenon could have unpredictable social consequences.

Some believe that with millions of men unable to find a wife, there could be risks of increasing anti-social and violent behaviour."

What do you guys think about that?

Do you guys think the Chinese government is being overly paranoid?

OF COURSE NOT!!!
THIS IS A GRAVE PROBLEM!!!

Even in KL where it is supposedly rumoured to have 3 girls for every 1 guy, young men like ME... are unable to find girlfriends....

I can only imagine what would happen if it was 8 guys to every 5 girls. In an Economics point of view, here's what's going to happen if we have a whole lot more guys than girls in any country.

CONSEQUENCES

1) Men are going to be fighting with one another for a woman.

THERE ARE GONNA BE BLOODY RIOTS!!!

Sales of guns like this will hit the roof!!! And at the end of the riots, just like in the animal kingdom, the STRONG will get their women... the weak... will turn into fags.

2) Men are actually going to have to start being far less chauvinistic.

That's right...like it or not, most men at least a little chauvinism in their blood.

It's true.. admit it... even I do.

Don't tell me you're not!!!

I bet there was at least ONCE in your life when you were driving on the road and shouted
"HOI!!! STOOOPID WOMAN DRIVER!!! YOUR LAU PEK'S ROAD AR?!!?"
And I bet you have NEVER once said
"HOI!!! STOOOPID MAN DRIVER!!! YOUR LAU PEK'S ROAD AR?!?!"

But when you find out that there are 10 guys to every 1 girl in your town... believe me... even the most chauvinistic Chinaman will say

"Ai chehh... that nice lady there so cute lar the way she drive... don't put signal when turning, hog both lanes... hao ke ai ah!!!"

3) Women are going to care much less about their physical looks.

That's right!!!

So if I were a woman I would throw away my make-up, and eat all the Krispy Kreme I want to make myself the fattest tub of lard in the world.. and still I won't have a problem getting a man. Because if you don't want me for being fat or ugly... a million other men would.

Hahahaha okok.. how many of you nearly went blind for looking at that previous pic.

Okay because I am nice... nah I give you guys a nice pic for you to cuci your mata.
Cuci already or not?

Ok lets move on.


4) Now the women are going to get uglier but the men are going to get better looking because of the increased competition.

There will no longer be any fat men, gym memberships will take off and Men's Health Magazine will sell better than PCWorld. Women won't be doing plastic surgery anymore... men will.

And every man you know will look like this! Now economists like myself don't just analyze the consequences. They suggest solutions!

What are the solutions?

SOLUTIONS

What can we do to circumvent this disaster from happening?

1) Encourage more men to be gay.

For each man that turns gay, you not only save one woman, you save TWO women, because that gay man will look for another gay man to be with.

2) Subsidize transexual operations.

Thailand will be like the Roman Empire, and Bangkok will be Rome. You think transexuals are unattractive now?? Well BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS!!! And heck... transexuals are looking better each day.

3) Intentionally start a war to send more men to the battlefield to die.

That should be very easy to do.

Maybe Bush could go up to France and say
Bush:
HOI!!! YOUR FRENCH TOURISTS KEEP BREATHING MY AMERICAN AIR WITHOUT PAYING ME FOR IT!

France:
Pay you for it? What??

Bush:
YES!!! THE AIR OVER AMERICA BELONGS TO US... AND YOU ARE ALL STEALING IT!!!

France:
But your American tourists and breathing my air in France too!

Bush:
I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE!!! YOU ARE BREATHING OUR AIR AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!! I HEREBY DECLARE WAR ON YOU!!!

France:
Eh eh eh wait wait wait!!! Ok okok I pay you for it... how much you want for it?

Bush:
I want $100,000,000,000 for it!

France: Okay okay... we'll have to dig into our reserves and borrow some money from England but nothing can be more important than avoiding this war. So consider it done.

Bush:
What? Done??? uhh uhh... no wait!!! I CHANGE MY MIND!!! I WANT A HUNDRED GAZILLION US DOLLARS... IF NOT I WAR!!!

France:
What?? Is that even a real number?!?!

Bush:
I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE!!! YOU BETTER BANK IT INTO MY ACCOUNT BY TOMORROW OR MY B-52 BOMBERS WILL NUKE PARIS!!!

France:
Okay okay.. I will transfer a hundred gazillion US dollars to you. Which Bank and bank account number should I transfer it to?

Bush:
Huh? Really? uhh.. uhh...

I DOWAN TELL YOU WHICH BANK AND WHICH ACCOUNT NUMBER... YOU FIND OUT YOURSELF... TOMORROW I WILL RANDOMLY CHECK ONE OF OUT OF MY BILLION AMERICAN BANK ACCOUNTS AND IF I DO NOT FIND A HUNDRED GAZILLION DOLLARS IN THERE I WILL DECLARE WAR!!!

France: Okay okay... so that there isn't a risk of any war between us, I'll be careful and just bank in the money to ALL your accounts.

Bush: ... ... *3 seconds pass* I WANT THE MONEY NOW... IN 10 SECONDS OR WE'LL DECLARE WAR!!!

France: WHAT?!?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Bush: TEN... NINE... EIGHT...

France: YOU MAD MAN!!!

Bush: SEVEN.... THREE... TWO... ONE... MY AIRCRAFT CARRIERS ARE ON THEIR WAY... PREPARE FOR WAR NAPOLEON!!!

See??

Easy to start a war, even if your opponent doesn't want to pick a fight!

Once the war starts... SEND IN ALL THE MEN!!!

Or heck if the gender imbalance was more towards the younger generation then maybe we would have to send our little kids to war in their little cardboard tanks like this. Now that we're done with analyzing the problem.

Consider this.. what if.. the situation were reversed, where your country had way more girls than guys.

Well..

LIFE WILL BE SO DAMN GOOD.

You guys know of any other creative ways to solve the problem?

Share with me!

And don't say cloning more women... because cloning is ILLEGAL!!!

Unless of course we're cloning women that look like this.


Because then it would be not only crime but a shame to NOT clone a billion of her right?


Disclaimer to President Bush if he ever reads this blog entry:

Dear President Bush... whatever I said to you in this blog entry is just for illustration purposes only and does not in any way mean to reflect how I think of you. Please don't nuke Penang.. PLEASE? PLEASE?

We have no oil here!

Funeral Service for Tara

AUGGGGHH!!!!

I WAS IN SINGAPORE LAST WEEK AND I LOST MY ONE AND ONLY PDA (that I coincidentally also bought from Singapore a year ago).

I AM STILL GRIEVING !!! AUGHH I AM SOOO SOOO SAD!!!!

My poor PDA was like a real assistant to me.

She kept track of all my meetings, schedule, phone numbers, documents... even my e-mail... EVERYTHING!!! I EVEN NAMED HER TARA!!!

AND NOW SHE'S ALL GONE

AUGHHH!!!!!!!

I LEFT IT IN A TAXI AND THE SONOFABITCH WHO FOUND IT AFTER ME DIDN'T BOTHER TO RETURN IT TO ME... AUGH!!!

No matter

*Sniff*

I've decided that I am going to dedicate a whole blog entry... as a funeral service for my dear Tara.

Can we all have a moment of silence please?

*Silence*

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to honour the passing of a dear friend Tara.
(Note: Tammy is a nickname I gave Tara)

May she rest in peace at the better place she belongs to now.

In honour of my dear Tara, I have written her a poem in her memory.

Tara Oh Tara,
Without you my world feels so cold and dry;
My meetings now I forget which Menara,
My phone numbers all gone now I can cry.

But I know you have gone to a better place,
Though I wish you didn't have to go without a trace;
I know with your new owner you have a new time and date,
And I know I must accept my fate.

So find another PDA I will do,
And I may one day even love her too;
But worry not I shan't forget,
The memories we have that I so protect.

You belong to somebody else now,
I don't know who and I don't care how;
Find that sonofabitch, find him well,
Promise me you'll make his life a living hell.

In memory of Tara.. by Boss Stewie

AVENGE ME TARA!!!

AVEEEENGEEE ME!!!!!

The 8th Wonder of the World

Alright so I have been in Sydney all week.

And while I'm not working on my laptop back home, I get to go out to get a little bit of air.

So I took some suggestions of some of my readers and went to Darling Harbour.


Now I am going to state the obvious.

Darling Harbour... is a harbour.

No no... not just any Harbour.... but a DARLING one.


The kind of Darling where you'll find expensive food all around it, targeted at tourists like me, who are assumed to have a lot of money to spend when we really don't.

So for lunch, I skip the main courses and go straight for deserts like this.

Which looked nice, but tasted awful to be honest.

Now when you go to ANY city, the important thing that ANY tourist has got to do is to take a picture in front of the city landmarks.

So I trotted away and took a picture in front of Sydney's Harbour Bridge.



And the Opera House.


But all that didn't really amaze me.

Let me tell you what I would consider the Eight Wonder of the World!

I was at Bondai Beach the next day, apparently Australia's most famous beach and it was a little cold there. The wind was so fierce I couldn't bear to be outside for long.
So I sought shelter in a nice little cafe with a view of the beach.
Ah... nice and warm in there.

Anyway, it took only 2 minutes for my mum to later call me a little "Chicken Shit" and asked me to be more adventurous, to BRAVE THE COLD!!!

"GO LAH!!! How could you have spent 3 years in London without being able to stand even this kind of cold?"
Little did she know that I spent most of my 3 years in London in my warm fuzzy bed in the arms of a warm warm warmmmmm woman.

But anyway, to BRAVE THE COLD I WENT!!!

Sometimes it just isn't so fun being brave.

But it was only with being brave that I saw it... THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD.
I mean... THERE I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO STOP MY BALLS FROM TURNING TO ICE CUBES and looking perfectly normal since all the other men around me were wrapped up in winter clothes.

THEN HE-MAN OVER THERE SPOILS THE DAMN MARKET BY WALKING AROUND IN HIS UNDERWEAR AND MAKING THE REST OF US MEN LOOK LIKE FAGS!!!

WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS GUY EAT FOR BREAKFAST EACH DAY?!?! CEMENT?!?!


Well I hope you're happy now He-Man... and SHAVE THAT DAMN ARMPIT HAIR!!! I CAN SEE IT THAT PATCH FROM A MILE AWAY!!!

THE REAL HE-MAN SHAVES HIS ARMPIT HAIR!!!

SEE?!?!!

HMPH!

The Way Job SItes Should Be

Believe it or not, I have always been a job site user, whether it was before when I was looking for a job... or even now at Nuffnang when we were looking for more people to expand our team in KL.
Any idiot can also see how the market for job sites has exploded with a million of them sprouting out everywhere on Taxi ads. Yet somehow they all always gave me the same feel.

They are all very generic: Typical professional looking websites that want you to give you the impression that they mean business from the day you stumble upon their website.

But why do things have to be so serious?

My outlook on life is this... for the things that you know are supposed to be serious and a little dull... take a more fun approach and when it comes to job sites, a new Malaysian job site: Allyhunt has taken a whole different approach to job seeking in Malaysia.

I first learned about Allyhunt when they approached us for a campaign.
The people behind it are not new to job hunting business. They've been in the industry for umpteen years having built a successful offline firm of their own.

After I was done begging them to advertise on Nuffnang blogs giving them my usual marketing pitch, I had a drink with the founders and they shared with me their idea for Allyhunt.

They didn't want to start another generic looking job site.

They wanted something different, something that took a more approachable stance and you can see that in the way their website is designed and the content it has.

Heck they even have regularly updated comics for its users.

And look at the way the website talks to me when I sign up.

Most websites would say
"Thank you for registering Mr. Tiah...."

But Allyhunt says
"AHOY THERE TIAH EWE TIAM!!!"

(Ewe Tiam is my other name in case you guys don't know)

Which almost prompted me to reply
"ARRRRRRR... FIND ME A JOB MATEY!!!"

Or in the case of Nuffnang...

"FIND ME ANOTHER INTERN MATEY!!!"

Since Suet Li just recently left Nuffnang to further her studies in the USA.
*Sniff*

Anyway, when you guys find the time, do check out Allyhunt.com and sign up.

It takes 2 minutes...

TWO MINUTES!!!

It takes MOST MEN LONGER THAN THAT JUST TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE THESE DAYS!!!

Oh and in case you're all wondering... I'm not being paid by them to write this. I'm just doing this because I think they're nice people.

www.allyhunt.com

Boss Stewie Learns to Camwhore

So I'm in Sydney with my cousins and I was given a lecture by the girls on how important camwhoring is.

Apparently... all the younger adolescent girls these days are seriously picking up on the camwhoring trend... and we... the older generation... seem to be left out on it!

So with the help of my cousin Rachelle that you see here in this pic.

I learned the LA LA 5-STEP POSE!!!

Watch and learn (watch the fingers)!!!

STEP 1
STEP 2
STEP 3
STEP 4
STEP 5

My cousins also taught me another type of camwhoring becoming increasingly popular among girls on Friendster these days.

First.. the cute cute blur blur look
Then there is the how do you say Purposely-Put-Camera-High-High-To-See-Tek-Tek look.

In which I first told my cousins
"BUT I GOT NO TEK TEK WOR...."

and they both said
"Nehmind wan... a lot of the girls that do it also don't really have wan... just pretend you have it".

So there you have it everyone!

I have officially graduated from the university of Camwhoring (with bad grades but still graduated)!