Monday, August 28, 2006

A Citigroup Intern's Birthday Bash

I got forwarded an e-mail from one of my old investment banker friends not long ago.

Attached was an e-mail invitation of an intern at Citigroup London.
She was celebrating her 21st Birthday and decided to invite many of her London friends, including some of her friends from her work place.

Her birthday invitation was so ridiculous that it got forwarded among bankers from London all the way to those here in Southeast Asia.

Check it out.

Note: I've changed her name and some details to protect her identity.

Dear Friends,
Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this
Friday to celebrate my 21st with me.
Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.

Lilly's 21st Birthday Party at The Ritz Hotel London
Friday, 6th of August

9pm - Champagne Reception
10pm - Photo Shoots

10:30pm - Blowing Candles

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair

I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection
of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come
and indulge.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz
waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries,
etc...also on me.


*When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite
side of
the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the
end of this email]

*When asked "how can I help you Sir/Madame?", you reply
"I am here for Lilly's Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar"

* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the
Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 *** **** and my PA Ms Dill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans,trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad

Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress,
the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will
be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be
well-groomed! ;)

I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm... hehehe
I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.


ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa,

9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick,
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana,
Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi

Now that sounds like such a fun Birthday Bash... you know... the kind Hitler might've planned if he was still around today.

Boss Stewie is inspired!

I'm going to send out invitations right now for my next Birthday Bash and inviting all my readers!

Boss Stewie's Birthday Bash 2007

Dear Friends,

You are all invited for Stewie's 23rd Birthday Bash on board the Russian Space Station (The MIR) at 7.30pm on the 6th of June 2007.

Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into MIR.

7.00PM - Arrival at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.
7.30PM - Arrival at MIR.

8.00PM - Champagne Reception
8.30PM - Photoshoot with Boss Stewie (Ladies first).
9.00PM - Singing of Birthday Song.

9.30PM - Continued Singing of Birthday Song.
10.00PM - Continued Singing of Birthday Song.

10.30PM - Cutting of Cake.
11.00PM - Cake Eating Session.
12.00AM - Party all night with performances from Beyonce, Ciara,
Snoop Dog and Usher.

I have arranged for the party to be held on the MIR where we shall all party with the view of the Planet Earth in the distance.
A specially made Birthday Cheesecake with Godiva Chocolates and cheese specially ordered from the South of France will be available on board the MIR.

An open bar with an unlimited supply of the world's finest wine, champaign and whiskey will be available upon request (I believe that if we are going to get drunk, we should do it with the most expensive alcohol money can buy).

* When you arrive at KLIA, take the airport VIP entrance.
[Please refer to your arrival time at the end of this email]

* When asked "How can I help you Sir/Madame?", you should stand in a group just like they do in Star Trek and say

"Beam Me Up Sir".
* You will be teleported thousands of feet above to the MIR Space Station lounge area, where you will see a group of gorgeous semi-nude ladies. You should then go up and say to them

"Ladies, I am here for Boss Stewie's 23rd Birthday Bash".

In which they will first giggle (if they don't giggle first please let me know and I shall have them fired), then say
"Right this way Sir/Madame".

When you enter the party area, you will be shown to your tables but feel free to mix around my other guests like

George Bush & Tony BlairBill & Melinda Gates

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie
Scarlett Johansson
and of course

Will Smith who will sing a rap version of my Birthday Song
If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the MIR, please call my mobile at 016 4827382 and my PA (Personal Assistant) Ms Penelope will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

Gentlemen: Tuxedo from any Designer Label ie Armani, Zegna, Versace and etc etc. (No guys.. Espirit does NOT count as a designer label)

Ladies: Bikinis or less

Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more money you have and the more flashy car you arrive in, the less likely you will be denied entry.

So please come in Ferraris, Lamborginis, Rolls, Maybachs and all cars valued RM1.2 million and above.
(Porsches, BMWs, Mercedes and below will get you kicked out of the KLIA VIP Entrance the minute you get down from your car).

Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will
be published on all major newspapers in the world such as The New York Times and also in famous magazines such as Time, Newsweek and Forbes so make sure you dress well.

I will be accepting cards and expensive gifts valued at no less than RM500,000 each between 9pm to 11pm... BWAHAHAHA
I very much look forward to seeing you all at MIR this coming June.

Boss Stewie

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]

9:00pm: Lance , William Leong, Jason, Alynna, Lasker

9:15pm: Gwenneh, Dawn, Suicidal, J

9:30pm: Earl Ku, Hasan, Chocolat, Leon,

9:45pm: Yothemans, Fat 4, man|acz, Baby Bluey, Yen Shiong

10:00pm: Cely, Cecilia, Skyler, Adrianbaby,

Ahh... If only it were all for real...


Jason Lioh said...

Hahahahha!!! This one really cracks me up! :P

But then I don't have designer clothes ler. :(

Anonymous said...

Can you please invite me. Please... boss stewie

Anonymous said...

oops. forgot to write my name. Can you please invite me. Please... boss stewie

Anonymous said...

Boss Stewie, plss arrange my b/day dinner /lunch in a private room in chinese resturant :

1) 4 seasson
2) shark-fin soup
3) Boss Stewie's bahkuteh with fu chuk
4) my birthday cakes-strawberry flavor
5) money bags (popiah wraps)
6) chinese soups with scallop & prawn
7) my favorites soft shell crabs
8) dessert-mango puddings

8 dishes only..not reach 10 also :(

Guests - family members, Boss Stewie big business associates, Boss Lepton, Ming

Boss Stewie dear, thank u in advance ;)

Boss Stewie said...

jason: ohh.. it wasn't exactly meant to be funny but uhmm haha thanks

ricardoe: sure.. u're invited! can you come for the 9.15pm time slot?

urchipsi: wah sharksfin soup.. die lor ...

Anonymous said...

Just curious if your beam can beam this 400 pound gorilla up. Otherwise just beam down the babes and the food, i will enjoy myself at KLIA. LOL

Mischique said...

one of the most hilarious entries of yours i've read so far..bloody good!
*thumbs up*

Boss Stewie said...

fat4: can beam u up.. no problem.. just that instead of beaming u up in a group.. might have to beam u up alone if u dun mind

brenda: thanks :P i didn't think it was funny.. but glad some people thought it was...

Anonymous said...

wl a piece of lace draped across the body do?

Boss Stewie said...

olivia: come in that and you can have the space station when we're done with it

Unknown said...

WAHhhhahhhhh.... my name appeared in the list!!!... Honoured siut~!!


Now i wonder which piece of junk shall i use, the Mayback 62 or the Veyron *ponders* Or do u have a docking bay aboard MIR? might wanna use personal shuttle if Boss allow (dun really fancy my molecules to be bounced around like a pinball)

Anonymous said...

WAAAAAAAAAA i'm invited to Boss' birthday bash! i'll bring jessica alba as a gift preview! *shiok gila*

ah well, flattery normally does no good with me, but since this cracked my nuts up big time, you're cordially invited to MY birthday bash on the Moon come november. details and a proper gold plated invitation card will be sent to you soon.

*continues to shiok gila*

Anonymous said...

Why do I have to go first?? *sigh*

J said...

Hmmm? I got an invite?

I'll be right there after my shift ends at the futel.

(Bikinis in a zero gravity environment though?? - I dunno larr - It could get ugly.... haha)

Leon said...

ok i the beam me up sir part. farnee.....

Jackson said...

I'm not invited... :( *sniff*



*rigs teleport beam so you come out as a pig*

Anonymous said...

i'm so proud to work for citigroup and have workmates like her, dot dot dot

it's the rage in london now, 'precision and controlled fun', none of that freestyling crap we do when we go clubbing...

no, i wasn't one of the 'lucky' few who were invited and had to be told when to go to the toilet as well,, i'll come for your space station party though, gatecrash it and come onboard in a space shuttle

hope to see you soon when i get back in 3 weeks time...!

aL said...

me leh? sobz sobz sobz!

Anonymous said...

Haha. Is that email for real? It sounds so out of this world! Must be one of those darn spoilt socialites. Bleah. I also want a birthday party. No need to be extravagant or 'atas'. Just some funny friends and we'll have a rollin' good time! Hahaha. Boss you can think of what to bring me as a birthday present. I'll be accepting presents all day on my birthday. :D

Boss Stewie said...

william: the veyron definitely. though people who aren't car junkies will have no idea what a veyron is...

suicidal: and by 'sent' u meant that ur gold plated invitation card will be hand delivered to me by jessica alba and an escort of 8 playmates dressed in bikinis right?

lance: ok ok lance.. you can go last and make an entrance if you like...

j: right.. but remember, if you have an extra shift to do then don't bother coming for the party... the futel is counting on u.. u're doing ur country a service..

jackson: ahh... sorry.. i didn't think you'd make it here all the way from holland but no fear.. i shall add u in the list and have my private boeing 747 pick you up from amsterdam international airport two days before the birthday.

ice: 'precision and controlled fun'.. u mean the kind where there is no screaming and shouting or doing anything overly wild... ritE?

al: sorry sorry... you're invited as well.. you think you could come first... in lance's place?

daphne: yeah that email is for real :P they even had her phone number there but i took it off so that she wouldn't get a million prank calls from people asking her if she would like to attend their birthday parties in mars

MaN|acZ said...

Tq. Boss Stewie.

Whuah. nice. gua is invited oso..

nice nice... heheheh

must post this in my blog .

Boss Stewie said...

lol man|acz.. yes u are invited

小东 said...

I only have cheap gift for you... instead of expensive gift so, am I invited? LOL

Boss Stewie said...

tony: ok lar ok lar.. i close an eye for u to come ok?

Anonymous said...

nah, i've decided that isn't lavish enough. was thinking invitation carved on huge MOFO slab of gold with jessica tied on top flanked by not 8, not 18 but 80 FRIGGIN' playboy bunnies dressed in ONLY bunny ears.

oh if ur old heart cannot tahan the surge in adrenaline i'll have them dress up first so you can go easy on the nose-bleeding. :D

forget about planning your funeral, planning your birthday in cosmic space's the next big thing!

Wilson J Q Quah said...


or do i get priority entry? where i can arrive at any time in shorts or sarungs and still be allowed to enter?

Boss Stewie said...

suicidal: ohhhh suicidal.. if u give me that for a present.. i'll treat u reaaaalll niceee

boss lepton: eh u are my boss.. u can come anytime :P

Anonymous said...

I'm sad I'm not invited.../._.\

Anonymous said...

fuiyo, i guess i must go do the brazillian wax and faster shape my body to fit in bikini sin...

Boss Stewie said...

bunny: nooo bunny.. u're invited too

cely: yes.. brazillian wax sounds like a good idea :P

Anonymous said...

Boss Lepton came out of the rabbit hole because he wasn't invited?? Heheh. Now, that's something... =P

Anonymous said...

Boss Lepton came out of the rabbit hole because he wasn't invited?? Heheh. Now, that's something... =P

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you finally came to your senses and decided to plan a proper birthday for once. Although I think its no where near enough, I should be surrounded by at least 4 pretty naked girls. I'll be there, and I'll arrive in my personal space shuttle unlike the common people.

Unknown said...

hey hasan, i called shot gun... no fair :P

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I got mentioned in the imaginary list! Though in the last slot, 'tis an honour :D

Most apologetically, I do not wear bikinis and you shall have to settle for halters or the like.

Anonymous said...

we shall see won't we? be prepared to treat me REAL nice then. i'll let u gimme ur msn 1st as starters. muahahahaha

Boss Stewie said...

lance: yes.. two things he will come out for...
1) for not being invited to the party of the year...
2) to look for pork.. boss lepton loves pork

hasan: yes yes.. i shall prepare valet parking for people like you who come in space shuttles

anonymous: ehh what's wrong with cely's banner?

skyler: ohh.. it's ok skyler.. come in whatever you want. we'll just undress you when you arrive :P

suicidal: why don't you e-mail me yours at

Anonymous said...

Cracked me up so much to read this.
I think I'm no longer experiencing girly sickness.

Boss Stewie said...

aiyo tock.. okok u also invited!

alynna: hahaha glad u enjoyed it alynna

ynshng said...


okay, entry is gonna be difficult. when's the party eh? ill need to kidnap Versace's dog for a tux, steal my neighbour's 360 Modena and abt the rm500,000+ gift.. hmm.

Boss Stewie said...

yes.. i'm sure you'll have no problem finding all those yenshiong

Anonymous said...


eh when i bring the gift must i beam that up too? its kinda big ... i bought you a 16 wheeler truck ... and mod it into a mini disco ...

Boss Stewie said...

yes.. that can be beamed up too earl

chuey said...

hehehe... this post really cracked me up.. I can't help laughing at work :)
Thanks for the post