Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Day I Could've Lost It

Last night I went to Li Tat's CNY Open House. In light of the CNY spirit, we were all sitting on plastic chairs outside his house while having some stuff to eat off the buffet while catching up with one another. Actually it was more Princess than me since it was the first time I had met many of the people there but Princess on the other hand seemed to know them all... you know Subang people.

Li Tat has these two big dogs in his house, both golden retrievers who look some sort like this.

One of them which was named Smuffy was the friendly one and allowed to go out to mingle with the guests. The other one was a dog we never saw. Whenever guests came to the house, they would hide him in the back because he was crazy and very aggressive. You know the kind that would not only chase the mail man but bite off an ass cheek or something.

So while we were all sitting outside the house talking Smuffy (the friendly one) was being her usual friendly-self. She would come up to us and wait for us to pat her and then just sit around us and be quiet.

Suddenly though, the neighbour next door started shooting up some really loud fireworks. The sky lit up and all of us stopped talking for a while and went "Woahh!".

Smuffy on the other hand who happened to be next to me at that point suddenly jumped and put its two front legs on my crotch. She moved her head frantically like she was really scared of all the noise the fireworks was making and as each second passed she seemed to be putting more and more pressure on her paws which happened to be right on my crotch.

Those few seconds felt like an eternity to me. It was like the whole world around me suddenly slowed down to slow motion and I just sat there trying to calm the dog down but not daring to move an inch. You know the phrase "Got you by the balls" right? Well that was the exact predicament I was in.

I looked around for Li Tat in those slow-motioned seconds but I couldn't find him then I looked at Princess who somehow didn't seem to notice that my balls were under threat and she just kept going
"Awww... awww... she's scared of the fireworks. She's so cute".

Not realizing that next to the scared dog was her even more scared boyfriend, not because of the fireworks but because he was on the brink of losing his jewels.

A few more seconds passed and I felt more pressure on my crotch. I don't know much about dogs so I didn't know how much strength a Golden Retriever would have on its paws and what they were capable of but when you have so much at stake, you always think about the worst. I could already feel the nails on her paw. Not knowing what to do, I sat there helplessly and watched my life flash before me when suddenly....

The fireworks stopped!!! And Smuffy got off.

It was then that I had snapped out of it long enough to tell Princess what had happened and what she had failed to notice.

All she did was let out a big laugh. Don't you think girlfriends sometimes take some minor things very seriously and yet somehow don't take the really important things seriously at all?

I mean if Smuffy had done the same thing on her Miu Miu purse, she would've flipped!!! You can always buy another purse but you can't buy another... well.... you know...


kh diDi said...

My gf has a golden retriever too and there was once the dog was too excited seeing me & it pounced on my jewels bullseye! mamamiya the excruciating pain..~

Boss Stewie said...

kh: HAHAHAA I can't decide which is worse but I think yours beats mine any time

Michelle Chin said...

Shit! But you might get lucky after that. :)

Unknown said...

poor u! oh well, at least not all is lost! xD

michleong said...

haha. lucky the fireworks stopped in time. XD

Boss Stewie said...

michelle: haha what exactly do u mean by that?

sammy: yes... i survived!

mich: yes... lucky or i might be a different man today

Lisa! said...

Awwww, the dog is so cute! :P
Now I want a German retriever too!
It could fend away any straying boyf's if trained properly!


How Jun said...

I can accept Timothy who can blog well but without balls. Haha

Star Sky said...


*coughs coughs*

Sorry sorry... I know how serious guys take it... LOLz


WP said...

lol.. your post always seem to amaze me.. i bet it was highly exagerated.. but it still was worth a good laugh.. cheers and happy chinese new year :)

[fong88] said...

i cant help myself from laughing!!!especially the miu miu purse part.=P

swit@kon said...

hohoho. i am so sorry for you mr tim!

but audrey is cute! :D

RealGunners said...

Boss Stewie said:
mich: yes... lucky or i might be a different man today

or u might not be a man today..

Nicole said...

eh hem. sorry.

ahlost said...


Boss Stewie said...

lisa: why would u want to fend away boyfriends?

how jun: provided i blog well of course haha

star: yes ... very serious! family jewels can't be replaced

tummy: hahaha thank you. happy cny :)

fong: hahaha glad u loved it :)

swit: hahaha don't be sorry. i survived :) yay

real: yes... true that

nico: yes hehehe

LingDi said...

Aww.. I think all dogs are scared of fireworks. But, mainly because their ears are very sensitive. Like my two cute dogs, we always have to accompany them on midnight of CNY coz' they're so terrified! Haha..
And beware coz' dogs can have heart attacks! One of my friends' dog died of heart attack because of the fireworks few days ago! =(

ms.bulat said...

i am sorry to say this but prolly half the girls would all laugh just like how Princess reacted:D

j_yenn said...

Gee, what a "wonderful" CNY experience LOL.

Huai Bin said...

Ouch! I feel your pain, them things are precious. >.<

Much more valuable than all the Miu kuasa dua, Versace and (insert haute couture label) combined.

woaini_87 said...

awwww.. it was definitely something you will remember for the rest of you life..
Lucky my dog got used to the firecrackers noise.. she did not get scared..

Samantha Sik said...

=.= you were having moments of "nightmares" =.=
But somehow ,my friend met with this Golden Retriever and she turned out to masturbate on his leg =.=

*Golden Retriever looks gorgeous!

Matjoe said...

Next time stay away from dog before the firework started. or else..

June & Julian said...

as my bf only come visit once every month, my Beagle dog humped on his leg. he only does that to him but not to other ppl.