Friday, March 28, 2008

Buying Rubber

I was at Watsons the other day at 1-Utama when I saw something that brought back old memories.

While walking around looking for eye-drops, I passed the aisle that sold condoms. Just as I passed I noticed a young couple, looks like they were barely 18 standing facing the stacks of condom boxes, just looking.

I looked in their eyes and I could tell they were having a rather awkward moment there. It was pretty clear that they wanted to buy condoms for their sexy time but were too shy to.

I considered buying it for them for a moment, I mean I'm a realist so I know that they're gonna do it anyway so why not help them do it the safe way.

The 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey says that most people have their first sex in Malaysia somewhere around the age of 19... they looked close enough to 19.But then again I thought.... bahh let them suffer like I did once before.

Heck I remember my first time trying to buy a condom. I was young (I'm not gonna say how young).

My girlfriend at the time said that it was the MAN'S JOB TO BUY THE RUBBER and that IF YOU'RE TOO CHICKEN TO BUY THE RUBBER YOU SHOULDN'T BE SHAGGING ME.

So fine... she challenged by ego and I decided to walk into a 7-11 to buy it.

This was in Penang.

I walked into the 7-11 in Pulau Tikus (which kinda looks something like this but bigger)

and looked for the condoms only to find it near the cashier. Then I slowly took a look at the cashier, because heyy... that's the one person you're gonna have to look in the face when you buy the condom.

I was expecting to see a nice dude at the cashier that might understand my plight, but instead I saw a nice conservative looking lady, probably in her 50s wearing a Tudung.

I thought to myself

But I wasn't going to go leave without rubber. I decided that much.

So I stalled a little bit.

I walked around the aisle and pretended to pick up a few things. I grabbed a Pepsi and a Mars Bar, then walked over to the cashier.

I placed the Pepsi and Mars on the counter and the cashier took my stuff to scan.
While she was doing it, I suddenly went

as if it was a "by-the-way" thing and took a condom from the side of the counter and placed it with my Pepsi.

The cashier glared at me and said
"YOU MAHU BELI INI (pointing at the Pepsi and Mars), ATAU INI (pointing at the condoms)?!?!"

My face turned red as a tomato.Actually redder than a tomato. Somehow my reflex was to say "Ini sudah boleh", taking the Mars and Pepsi alone and pushing the condom aside.

I paid for the Mars and Pepsi and ran the hell out of that 7-11 store never to go back again for the next few years.

I was so embarrassed. I didn't get laid that night either.

But like all other things practice makes perfect. These days I'm not afraid to buy condoms anymore. In fact, just like when I buy anything else that doesn't expire so quick, I buy them in bulk.

So I walk into KLCC's Guardian, grab like 5 boxes of Condoms at a time and stand at the long queue at the cashiers.

When the person behind me looks at what I'm holding I proudly hold it up, smile at the person and say
"Yeah I know I'm really lucky".

I've done that a few times but I've never ever once actually got a response. Normally the person just shyly looks away.

So to the couple at 1-Utama that day... sorry lah.... but it gets easier ok?

And remember.. always always practice safe sexy time.

This is a community service message by Boss Stewie haha.


eyeris said...

some of my friends swear by the 'Buy Pepsi and BYTHEWAYGIMMEONECONDOMPACK" technique. Personally, I prefer that "buy in bulk I'm getting really lucky hur hur" way. More macho. haha

Caneeliea said...

hahaha.. great story to start up my morning! Thanks Tim! ;)

Unknown said...

Yo ET, just curious, i hope she didn't take it the wrong way by thinking that you prefer sweets to her... =Þ *peace!*

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

wahlau 5 packs at a really "heng" ar..

Boss Stewie said...

eyeris: yahh!!! i prefer that too but seriously man.. how in the hell often do you see an older age woman as a cashier at 7-11... almost never rite

jacq: haha :P sure

ronnie: hahahaha no larrr no lar... she wun wannnn

joe: hahaha ... well if shy.. get thorugh the humiliation one time all in one go lor

Anonymous said...

Wahh 5 packs at one go.. ppl must've looked at awe at you boos O.o Salute!

Anonymous said...

opps sorry i meant boss

twosuperheroes said...

wah...must be using lotsa RUBBER these days eh...HAhahaah.. :p

It's good for health. The exercise and the sweating I mean.

joshuaongys said...

hahhahahahahahahahaa "nice community service message" !!

sarah said...

this post is damn funny..i used to do that too..the 'buying a snack bar but along the way decided to add in the condom as well'..damn shy last

KY said...

5 packs last for how long?

3POINT8 said...

The guy behind me: "Wha...Buy so many ar? need or not wor?"
Me: "I'm an entrepreneur. Planning to start business soon. Also, I aim to be the best young entrepreneur award in msia. Cun eh?"

Boss Stewie said...

cbb: hahaha or probably looked at me and thought "hamsap fella"

joshua: thank u.. so ting hua arrr!!

sara: ohh you did? ahahah!!!! at least it worked for you

ky: hahaha i'm not gonna answer that!!! but long time lar.. i not that active

3point8: hahaha what business do u plan to start with this?

David Cheong said...

LOL! I wonder boss is getting it with you *wink*wink*

yapthomas said...

5 packs enough for you anot Tim??

Cheng Chun said...

5 packs? Didn't want to get more meh? I thought now Guardian on sale and I believe condoms are on sale too. :P

Pam Song said...

I'm curious to know how young is young when you said you were young.


Suzette said...

LOL! Yes, yes, yes, you are so right. I think almost everyone have that moment of nerve, in those days when they are still 'green' in this. Unless they prefer unprotected sex, otherwise this is surely the process ya?! And I agree with your gf, man should be the one buying, otherwise how to woo a girl ya? :p

Simon Seow said...

Wow, the 7-11 in Penang used Japanese to advertise their products, must be a lot of expat living there.

Boss Stewie said...

david: getting it with me? u mean with who rite? haha

yapthomas: enuff... i'm not some sex bunny

cheng chun: hahahaha no ler i dun think got sale wan condoms... no need sale mah... people haf to buy wan..

pamsong: hahaha :P kenot.. shh

suzette: haihhh.. i'm glad i'm over that.. bwahahaha

Boss Stewie said...

simon: hahaa no lar.. that's a 7-11 from japan.. i said it looked like something like that.. not the one in pulau tikus.. eh but penang got a lot of japanese.. that;'s true

Pam Song said...

Darn it.

Unknown said...

based on the Durex survey that most msians start at 19 and he stated that he was young then we could safely deduce that it was before then ler... :D Notty! Notty!

Belle said...

who said its a man's job.. even i buy condoms leh..
boss so lame take pepsi and mars LOL!
just take condom la!!
actuallt cashiers dont bother to look at you also lar.
p/s : buying pregnancy test is way more worse than getting condoms.

Pam Song said...

Eh, ya wei. I agree with Ronnie. Haha. Must have been damn young. =p

Anonymous said...

barely 18 myself when i first bought a condom at watsons, the cashier was laughing at me. i laughed back. gave it to a friend for his 18th birthday but turned out to be expired. end of story.

Stella said...

One normal clinic day, my 85 year old patient told me she went to Boots and got condoms. As I looked at her in disbelief, she told me they were buy one get one free and she had bought 6 multi-packs. I couldnt' believe that there were that many old men for her to shag, but then she leaned forward, and told me: 'dear, condoms are the best things for keeping my toe wound dry in the bath'.

I can't imagine the cashier's face..

Anonymous said...

didn't know u kidda naughty heh!! lol... funny eh you!! hahaha!!

.kitty said...

community service message?? lmao

s.kuan said...

LOL this is darn farny! great tips for the guys huh

-popjammerz- said...

my friend was so shocked cuz Timothy Tiah is one of her respected youth icon!!! :P inspired during NYEC.haha!!

Btw thanks boss stewie for bringing up such stuffs! Cuz it actually refer to one of the message of the HIV/AIDS conference we are organizing - practise safe sex!!!

wahahaha!!!! Boss Stewie i never thought you are so HOT LAH!

David said...

Deng, you have no idea what it happened when i was buying condoms to put it on posters.

I was so embarassed until I walked out of Watsons holding the condom box, without the plastic bag.

And the cashier (a 20-ish malay girl) was like shouting real loud:

"Adik, you tak mau plastic bag ke?"

I was like OMG, she shouted damn freaking loud, everyone in the shop was looking at my direction.

Unknown said...

Totally agree, they'll learn something from that experience - an embarrassing one! But everyone get's over that stage one day or another and like the old cliche goes - "Practice makes perfect!" - LOL

Gosh this reminded me back the time i was a first timer myself...good memories indeed despite the initial embarrassment.

C said...

lol you know whenever you bring up the phrase 'sexy time', borat springs out of nowhere and it makes me laugh

Boss Stewie said...

ronnie: oi!!! dun simply try to guess

belle: i've bought a pregnancy test before.. that's a whollee other story that i don't know if i should tell

samantha: they were selling expired condoms? omg! can you imagine what harm that could've done to a first timer couple

stella: LOL... that's a great idea!

i am: eh i where got notty.. i didn't say i used the condoms i bought.. mebe i just bought it to decorate my room or something haha

kitty: hahaha

slow: hahaha okokok

pop: WHOOOPSSS hahahaha.. okok who's ur friend... tell me who she is so i can go ermm and tell her that... uhmm.. it's not like what it looks like hahaha

david: hahaha but but.. u need the plastic bag.. to hide u from the shame all the way back to the car

alex: yay!!! nice to meet someone else who has gotten over that phase.. whew.. i'm glad it's over

yeong: hahaha yeah that's where i got the phrase too.. borat

zamzuriabdmalik said...

Thanks for the community service message. We at the Malaysian AIDS Council have been trying so many ways to get to the public and tell them to be safe. I guess you have done your part. Congrats man! Hey, if you wanna do a little bit more and help out to spread the message of HIV/AIDS, e-mail me ya! Take care boss!

Cheng Eng Aun said...

That lady cashier must be a 'seasoned veteran'... As a cashier -.-"

悬心 said...

hi, .nice to meet u.
i got the mail about Malaysia AIDS Council (MAC) is currently looking for volunteers on International AIDS Memorial Day (IAMD).
my friends and i have interested with this activities but wish to know some detail about it before we confirm.

May i know what role should the volunteers play on that day ?
and also what type of training that we are going to have and when at where.

Thank you.